Page 97 of Born to Scar

MONTHS LATER

“How are you feeling, Indy? It’s a big week for you in what should be your final days fighting your abuser,” Dr Reese’s voice comes through the screen. She’s asked to see me twice this week. With all the improvements I’ve been making, she doesn’t want the trial to derail any of it.

“I’m…scared. I don’t want to regress. I feel like I’ve done a good job at coping and healing.”

“You have. You’ve done such a great job. Remember, he can’t make you do anything anymore. That part of your life is over. That is a part you’ll never have to experience again. You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re allowed to feel sad and hurt. Just remember who’s with you.”

The double meaning behind her words isn’t lost on me. The family I’ve made from nothing will be there to support me, including Jenny. I’m doing this as much for her as for me.

I sit, waiting, on what is expected to be the last day of court. This has been exhausting, and I’m ready for it to be over, to move on. Going through therapy helped me decide to testify. I wanted to show my scars, literal and figurative.

I wanted to show everyone in that courtroom how he tortured my mother, Jenny, and me—how much of a monster he is. We were able to prove to every professional who wouldn’t help me the realities of the abuse they were helping conceal. There was no way for him to get out of the sexual assault charge. His DNA was there. But let’s be honest, that’s the lesser charge here.

Everyone’s sitting behind me today. I’ll need them regardless of the outcome. I would have never thought that all these degenerates would gladly follow me into a courtroom. None of them like cops, and now, after learning all of this, they like them even less. So, for them to be here with me is huge—for them and for me.

Lainy has become one of my very best friends. I purposefully stayed away from making real friends, but now, I can listen to my own advice. I don’t feel like there’s a dark force behind me anymore, waiting to take everything away from me, waiting to hurt the people I love. She was here when she didn’t have to be. She believed me when she didn’t have to. She understood some of the things I was feeling when the men just didn’t…couldn’t understand.

Closing arguments happen, and the jury goes back to deliberate. They’re back there most of the day. Cam, Ken, and Asher reassure me that it’s normal and I have nothing to worry about. Sometimes this can take days. Cam’s father even came. He hasn’t said a word to us, but he’s here. I hope it’s a start for them in rebuilding their relationship; maybe he’ll let Jay and me in, too, one day.

The judge calls us back in for the verdict. I feel like I’m going to puke, and I’m picking my nails raw. Jared usually stops me, but he can’t reach me. Ken’s hand gently falls to cover mine, stopping the onslaught on my nails. My eyes snap up to his, and he offers a soft smile with a nod.

“The jury finds the defendant…” I think my heart stops beating. For a split second, I cease to exist. “Guilty on all charges.”

The world stands still for the briefest of moments. My smile spreads through the tears I don’t feel fall. I haven’t once looked at the man who stole the best parts of me. I raise my head and finally meet his eyes. There’s no remorse, no love in them.

I turn to my support group, my family, instead, where love lives and is freely given, and I can finally breathe.

The judge announces the sentencing hearing, and we watch as the devil I know is taken back where he belongs.

I burst through the doors, drop my head back in the sun, and breathe in so deeply that my lungs weep. I don’t know how long this feeling will last, but my chest is so light. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.

There’s been a lot of local attention in the media, but I haven’t talked with reporters and don’t plan to. Ken and Asher have been handling all communications in that regard. There’s so much hugging. I’ve never been hugged so much in my life. I couldn’t be more thankful for it and for the people around me.

I’m ready to start living. I’ve already started. It was almost immediate after he was arrested. I still have a long way to go, but Dr. Reese has been one of the best things to happen to me. Jay saved my life by finding her.

I climb into the backseat of Jay’s car with Mik.

“How are you feeling, sweet girl?” Jay asks, turning his head over his shoulder.

“I can breathe. I didn’t realize the weight that has been on my chest for as long as I can remember. I can breathe,” I say again. The feeling is unbelievable.

“It’s got to be so freeing.”

I nod. That is exactly how I feel. I thought I was free before, but that was defiance. This is true freedom. This is sanctity.

Bik and Ray leave to globe-trot in a week. Bik’s given me everything I need to continue his legacy at the Cat. I’m so happy for them. They’ve done so much for the people around them. They deserve all the best life can give them.

My tattoo artist fixed my tattoos once the new cuts healed. Bik was right there with me, just like he was the first time. They aren’t perfect, but it’s better than having the new scars front and center. The cut on my cheek healed remarkably well. You can hardly see it at all. Only when the light hits it just right is it noticeable.

We head to the Cat from the courthouse and spend the rest of the evening celebrating. The bar is closed to outsiders tonight, but everyone we care about is here.

Lainy and Kia are in a corner whispering. They’ve been very secretive lately, and he’s been even more protective of her than usual. I march right up to them. “What is going on?” I arch my brow, crossing my arms over my chest, waiting. Lainy’s eyes go wide. “I know something’s up. What is it?” Lain bites her lip. “You know you can tell me,” I whisper.

She nods, leaning in closer. “I’m pregnant.” I pull back in shock, then scream at her, a huge grin spreading across my face. She startles, then bursts into laughter. I elbow Kia in the stomach. He grunts, squishing his face together.

“How’s it going, Pop?” I rib.

“Eww, I hate that. Don’t call me that.” I fall out in laughter as he turns to Lain. “That’s not it.” She laughs, too.