Page 91 of Ruthless Protector

“Why?” I said, instead of giving him a straight answer.

“Just answer the question, Willa,” he said, his body getting more rigid by the second.

I sat up, and he let me this time. “I don’t trust a lot of people,” I said, again trying to avoid his question.

His jaw tightened, and I knew he’d decided that he was one of those people. I hated myself for it, but I didn’t correct him. I couldn’t.

“You’re hiding something,” he said, no easing in, not anymore. “There’s something you’re keeping from me. Maybe even a whole lot of somethings. Shit that is not good, that I can help you with, if only you’ll stop with the barriers and the bullshit, and talk to me.” He sat up as well, thrusting his fingers in his hair. “If only you’d goddamn trust me.”

If I told him, he’d pull his white knight routine. He’d want to come to my rescue. He’d go after Trent and he’d make him pay. Trent had hurt Tilly and he’d put me in danger. After the text I got from Jude the other night, afraid of what he’d do to that skip, the one who had hurt his wife and kid, and how afraid Jude was that he’d really hurt the guy, I knew I couldn’t risk telling him what was happening.

After losing his sister and nephew the way he had, I couldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t let Jude get into trouble, or God, maybe even locked up over that, for us, not when I had everything under control.

I forced myself to meet his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

His fingers curled and uncurled at his side. “No more lies, Willa.”

“I’m not. I have no idea what you want me to say.” My pulse was racing.

“How about the truth?”

I shrugged, gaze not wavering, not leaving his. “You know everything you need to know.”

He flinched. A direct hit. A hit I didn’t know I was making until the words came out of my mouth. I wanted to snatch them back, but I couldn’t.

His nostrils flared. “Is that right, beautiful?”

“Just because we’re fucking doesn’t mean you automatically get access to every part of me,” I said, hating myself more with every word coming out of my mouth, with every shot I fired.

His face contorted, and I felt it like a dagger sliding between my ribs. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he rasped. “That’s all we’re doing here. Fucking? That’s what you think?”

I stood and snatched my shirt off the floor, yanking it on. “I’m sorry if you thought this was something more. I didn’t mean to make you think…”

“Don’t do that,” he said. “You can lie to yourself, sweetheart, but don’t lie to me.”

I’d pulled on my jeans and shoved my feet into my boots. I had to get the hell out of there. If I didn’t, I’d spill all my secrets.

Jude wasn’t the kind of man to back down. He wanted to protect Tilly and I, and now I knew why he was so relentless when it came to our safety. His own loss made him single minded.

And if I didn’t stop this thing between us now, if I allowed him to come at me all guns blazing, I’d cave, I’d give in. I’d wrap myself around his big body, drown in him, and I’d never let go.

But I wouldn’t let anything happen to him because of me.

And then there was the matter of a dying wish to fulfill.

I had no choice. None.

I turned to him. He was standing as well now, jeans on but not done up, hands on his hips, looking down at me.

I had to finish this. I had to take my final shot. I thought I might be sick. “You’ve shown me who you are, Jude, and you’re…you’re such a good man, the best. But I can’t be your next crusade, your next mission, your next rappel from a second-story window. I don’t need saving. I’m so sorry about Kate and Louis. But Tilly and I, we’re not them. We don’t need you. We don’t need any man,” I choked out, and turned away to pick up my jacket, to hide the tears welling in my eyes.

How many times had I said that to myself before I met Jude. I don’t need anyone else. But that was the old me. Willa before Jude. Cynical, hurting, untrusting. Scared.

Jude had changed all of that.

I could hear him breathing hard behind me. “You must want me out of your life pretty bad if you’re willing to throw Kate and Louis back in my face.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and I felt a rush of hot tears streak down my face. I was at the door and I gripped the frame for support. “That’s not, I didn’t…”