Page 184 of Marcello

Eugenio’s phone was a portal into a whole new world.

For the first time in my life, I could search for anything I wanted without having one of my tutors looking over my shoulder.

So obviously I looked for porn.

First I Googled ‘hot naked men.’

Lots of hot naked men –

And so many penises.

I was shocked.

I mean, I’d seen them before. You can’t watch Game of Thrones or Euphoria without encountering a bit of dong.

I also knew how sex worked… more or less. Mama had given me ‘the talk’ when I was 13, and I’d watched plenty of scenes in movies where people had sex.

I mean, I’d seen three different versions of Lady Chatterley’s Lover!

But I’d never seen a hard penis before.

And the differences in size! The curves some of them had! The balls, hairy or shaved!

All the variation –

Mamma mia!

I just stared at pictures for about half an hour, caught somewhere between disbelief, lust, a little bit of disgust, and good old-fashioned Catholic guilt.

Then I looked up ‘videos of people having sex.’

OH MY GOD.

After five seconds of the first video, I threw the phone across the bed like it was a poisonous snake.

But the moaning and the sex sounds kept going…

And, red-faced, I picked the phone back up.

After that, I was entranced.

I watched video after video. I looked up every position imaginable.

The thing that turned me on the most was hearing the women moan and scream as they came.

I want that!

I want to feel that!

I mean, I had felt it, sort of. I’d been masturbating for a couple of years. I either positioned myself under the faucet of the bathtub with my legs straight up in the air, or I used the detachable shower head.

I knew what it felt like to have an orgasm.

But I wanted so badly to know what it was like with a man…

To come from his cock being inside me.

After a while, I realized that some of the women in the videos were playing it up for the camera – probably even most of them.