Page 218 of Marcello

I frowned. “I’m sorry if I said something to upset you.”

“It’s – don’t worry about it.” He gave me a smile, sweet but sad. “If I do end up going to hell, trust me, it won’t be for this.”

I didn’t ask any more questions as he led me off into the night.

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If I do end up going to hell, trust me, it won’t be for this.

Once I was back home, his words haunted me.

What had he meant?

Romeo wasn’t religious, so I doubted that was it.

I mean, I suppose he could have been raised religious, and had lingering Catholic guilt.

But speaking as somebody who had been raised religious and then went through the motions to please her jailers (excuse me, ‘parents’), Romeo didn’t seem to fit the bill.

If I do end up going to hell, trust me, it won’t be for this.

He seemed so sad when he said it – almost resigned –

But he obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

Just like he didn’t want to talk about his job, or his friends, or anything else about his life outside of me.

I wanted to ask questions and find out what was wrong…

But I was afraid.

What if he turned the microscope back on me?

I was the daughter of a mafia don. I was surrounded by criminals and murderers.

What would Romeo say if I told him that?

I ditched religion when I found out my father was a gangster –

And simultaneously realized my mother had to have known what Papa did for a living.

If that’s what it meant to be a ‘good Catholic’ – turning a blind eye to evil, like my mother did with my father – then count me out.

At least Papa had the decency not to bullshit me. He didn’t play ‘pretend church’ and go to confession in the chapel.

For years, I was angry at Mama’s hypocrisy –

But was I any better?

Wasn’t I complicit in my father’s crimes, too?

I’d rebelled for a while, yes –

But not that much.

Stomping my foot and demanding expensive jewelry didn’t count.

I could’ve called the police and turned my father in…