Page 19 of Dandelions and Smoke

Earlier in The Night

Once again, I’m back at The Boozy Bear, all because of Billy and Mark. They insisted I come out tonight, as if the last time I let them talk me into coming downtown didn’t completely blow up in my face. Standing at the steps of the bar, lit by the neon signs hanging in the windows and by the big bear sign that hangs above the door, I take a deep breath.

People pass me as they walk in and out, but I hesitate, unable to step forward and move past this heaviness weighing me down. The last time I was here was with her, my Little Lion, my mystery woman. I don’t know what I expected coming here tonight, what I’m looking for, but maybe it’s time I stop searching for her in every face I see.

I’ve avoided this place like the plague. Honestly, I’ve avoided most places over the last six months, choosing to focus on my work instead of the things in my life I can’t control.

I can hear my ex-wife in my head now: “Sure, pretend like everything is fine. Work and keep your head down. I’m sure that will fix your problems.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

This is ridiculous.

I climb the steps and walk through the doors. As soon as I do, I’m swept up by the energy of everyone around me. The bar is lit with soft industrial hanging lamps spread throughout and spotlights that hang over the stage. I’ve always liked it here. It stays true to the small-town Adirondack charm. All the beers on tap are local brews, and everything from the signs on the wall, Fred himself, and the barstools in here is sourced from mom-and-pop shops nearby. From behind the bar, Remy throws me a nod before handing a few beers off to Mark, who passes them to a customer.

Shaking my head, I smirk despite myself. He’s just finished all his training, and I worked the hell out of our budget to promote him from volunteer to full-time employee. This better not be how I find out he’s quitting to become a bartender.

I move through the crowd slowly, weaving through people I recognize and many I don’t. I’m a little more than six feet tall, but it looks like everyone else in here tonight is too. Billy mentioned something about a hockey game at the arena nearby, and judging by the size of some of these guys, it looks like some of the players are here. It’s hard to see where I’m heading, but I look around and spot Billy, Blake, and the rest of the crew hanging out around a bunch of tables, watching the stage.

I keep moving toward them, following their gaze until the stage comes into view and my mouth lifts into a smile. Callie and Emma, two friends from town, are dancing and singing like they haven’t a care in the world. I almost forgot it’s karaoke night. I’m still grinning when Callie pulls her brother’s girlfriend, Della, onto the stage with them, but as a woman with pink curls bounces up beside them, it drops, and I stop moving, frozen in place.

Whitney Houston blares through the speakers while what I’m seeing fries every one of my senses. The woman who has occupied my thoughts for months, the one I’ve been hoping to see everywhere I go, is only a few feet away from me. My heart beats faster as a tandem of emotions fills me.

She’s back.

With excitement, I redirect, drawn to her as naturally as a flower turns toward the sun. She doesn’t notice me as she sings the last lyrics of the song. Her face lights up with laughter, and she embraces the girls like they’re the best of friends. A group of hockey players grabs the mics next, and one of them nods toward her with familiarity.

Before I have the chance to understand what any of this means, she spins around and walks directly into me. Her head bounces off my chest, the smell of vanilla and something sweet filling my senses, reminding me of the night we spent together six months ago. But it’s the way her hand lands on me, like her body knows exactly who I am before her mind catches up, that has me pressing into her. Six months of dreaming about her electric-blue eyes, and not a single one of those dreams did them justice.

“You’re here,” I say, resting my hands on her shoulders, making sure that this isn’t another one of those dreams that I’m going to wake up from missing her.

In every dream, she looks back at me, her feelings a mirror of my own, but now, instead, she looks down, averting her eyes before searching the room. Confused, I follow her gaze until it lands on Billy, Blake, and a tall guy with a man bun that I’ve never seen before. Each one of them is focused on her, but not one of them looks surprised. When Billy’s gaze finds mine, my brows shoot up before furrowing back together, a sinking realization filling me.

“You’ve been here?” I ask slowly, putting it together that I’m the last to know.

A sharp pain tears through my rib cage, and heat floods from my neck, over my shoulders, and down my arms. When she doesn’t respond, I snap my attention back to her. Her mouth opens, but no words come out. I pull my hands away from her and wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold together the pieces of me that feel like they’re coming undone. I do my best to steel my emotions, but it feels like I’ve been ripped wide open.

“You never left,” I say, looking away to hide my hurt, but my voice still shakes, betraying me.

“Chief, I–” she starts, and with barely two syllables out of her mouth, I already hear the way she’s about to explain herself instead of denying it, but it’s the way she says Chief, like she’s just some friend, that has me cutting her off.

“Garrett,” I say as calmly as I can, though inside I feel anything but. My shoulders sink as I think about all of the times I’ve imagined finally telling her. “My name is Garrett.”

This isn’t how I saw this going. I don’t know where I thought she’d been this whole time, but still in town, right under my nose? That wasn’t it. I thought if that were true, I would have seen her. Surely someone would have told me. I have so many questions for her, starting with why.

“Garrett,” she echoes my name like a plea, and it shakes the very breath that shudders from my lungs.

I wait, hoping she’ll give voice to the millions of thoughts I can see swirling in her eyes as they search mine. But as the silence stretches, her breathing grows faster, her chest rising and falling in rapid succession, and I wonder if she even realizes she’s pulling at the hair ties around her wrist.

“I-I have to go,” she stutters, leaving me again, running for the door.

There’s no way in hell I’m letting her go this easily. If she wants nothing to do with me, fine, but I need to understand why. What did I do to make her run and hide? I follow behind her, determined to get these answers, but I’m stopped when two bodies block my path.

“Excuse me,” I grunt, trying to move past them, but they don’t budge. Stepping back, I see that it’s Blake and Mr. Man Bun. To the right of them stands Billy. He flashes me a guilty smile, running his hand through his hair, but drops it as I cut him down with a narrowed gaze.

“Can you two get out of my way, please?” I ask as nicely as I can through gritted teeth.

I bob and weave my head every which way, trying not to lose her as she disappears into the crowd.