Page 24 of Dandelions and Smoke

“Don’t forget to pick up the snacks for later!” Tris adds.

I cast a glare over my shoulder, lifting my brows in the barest hint of acknowledgment before walking out the door, leaving them to the rest of their shift. I’ll get snacks for girls’ night, alright, but the two of them can kick rocks.

My pulse flutters unevenly as I make my way across the street to where he’s waiting for me. Keeping my head down, I fidget with the sleeve of my jacket and the strap of my bag, trying to distract myself from the way it feels like my nerves are turned up to one hundred when he’s around. Still, I can feel his steady gaze on me with every step.

Closing my eyes and taking a calming breath, I brace for the worst as I look up once I reach the car. To my surprise, he’s not glaring. And here I thought he’d be angry. Though I wouldn’t call whatever this face he’s wearing happy either.

“Weird, you don’t look like Billy to me,” I joke, my eyes flicking between his to check if it landed.

His expression softens as he looks at me, a small smile tugging at his lips, though he tries to fight it.

“Thank God for small miracles,” he murmurs.

I laugh, but too quickly, silence settles between us, so I take the time to look him over in the light of the afternoon sun rather than the moonlight or in the dark. He’s as handsome as I remember him, possibly more, and that fact has my stomach doing somersaults. I bite my bottom lip, trying not to think about it.

His hair is a little longer on top now than it was last spring, but the waves of brown speckled with a dusting of gray at the sideburns look good on him. I want so badly to touch and play with it like I did while he slept all those months ago, but with a swell of regret, I know I can’t do that now.

“So,” I say slowly instead, rocking back on my heels and averting my eyes from him to my car.

“Right,” he says, clearing his throat as if he were thinking about something, as lost in thought as I was before I interrupted.

I’m going to kill Billy for doing this to me. He thinks he’s clever, but he’s declared war. And he’s not the only one. I look across the street and through the cafe window, only to find his cohort, Ainsley, and right beside her, Tris pressed up against the glass.

Seriously?

I laugh under my breath as I take in how ridiculous my best friends are.

A customer walks up to Tris, and even from here, I can see the way the man cowers back when she glares at him before waving him off. We still have some work to do on her customer service skills. That much is clear.

Rolling my eyes, I give them both pointed looks as I wiggle my fingers to let them know they’ve been caught. With wide eyes, they back up and bump into each other before getting back to work. Shaking my head, I shift my attention back to Chief and my car, only to realize he’s finished and already watching me.

“Oh,” I blurt out in surprise, forcing a smile that feels awkward and uncomfortable as I focus on anything but his face. “That was fast.”

“You should be all good to go, Rory,” he answers evenly, but his thumb taps once against his arm. The way he draws out my name isn’t lost on me either, like he’s trying it on for size to see if it fits.

“Thanks.” My reply is barely a whisper.

Before I slide into the driver’s seat, he steps in close, boxing me in. With one hand on the door and the other on the roof, he cages me between him and the car. My pulse spikes. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, but nothing about this is uncomfortable. If anything, his proximity feels right, like the closer he is to me, the more at ease I feel.

Pressing my eyes together tightly, I breathe in and out before meeting his burning gaze. He studies me like I’m a puzzle he wants to solve, completely fine with letting the silence sit between us again… that makes one of us.

“Say what you have to say, and let’s put this behind us. I’m tired of dodging into the back room every time you come to the cafe anyway,” I huff, the words rushing out of me, sounding harsher than I mean for them to.

I wince. I wish this wasn’t so hard, but I want him to rip this band-aid off already. The air seems to get colder, and my breath forms clouds around me. Where he’s comfortable letting it stretch, for me, the quiet is a clawing I can physically feel, making my skin crawl.

He reaches for me, but hesitates, dropping his hand and taking my wrist instead. I’m too stunned to move. He brushes his thumb against my wrist, his calloused finger rubbing against my skin, creating a contrast that grounds me. The simple act has my body relaxing against my will.

A muscle twitches in his cheek, and a cloud of air leaves him like he’s been holding his breath.

“Just tell me why.” He pauses, and his brows furrow before he holds my gaze, steady and unwavering. “Tell me why you left that morning without saying goodbye. Tell me why, while I hoped to see you again, you were here all along, hiding from me.”

His voice comes out strained, as if the pain of recalling that night and the morning after still lingers at the forefront of his mind.

It makes the spot behind my ribs ache, and a tremor echoes beneath my skin. I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell him that I did say goodbye, that I woke up early and watched him sleep. I told him everything, even my name. And then I did the hardest, most selfless thing I could think to do… I left. I walked out of his life so that I could figure out my own without putting more on his plate than he already had. I wanted to make his life easier, not add to his problems. Except there’s no right way to explain why I allowed everyone else in.

Everyone but him.

“The why doesn’t matter,” I sigh, swallowing hard. “It doesn’t change anything. What’s done is done. Can’t we move on from this?”