Page 44 of Dandelions and Smoke

CHIEF

I was worried at first that Rory was blowing me off, but the woman truly does have a packed schedule. Girls’ nights, work, ‘framily book club’ almost every Wednesday night, and not to mention whatever random to-do she has on her schedule. I’ve quickly realized not to take it personally. Besides, it has allowed me to come up with the perfect first date for us.

“I don’t get why you don’t take her to the Holiday Festival,” Billy calls out from where he sits in the other room on my bed as I change into my third outfit, ready for him to shoot this one down, too.

I don’t know what I was thinking, asking for his advice on something like this. It’s not like Rory cares what I wear. Or does she? Great. I’m so detached from what women like these days that I’ve resorted to asking Billy.

Nerves overwhelm me, making my stomach tighten. While his track record with the ladies is outstanding, he still hasn’t managed to date the one girl in this town he actually has real feelings for… so why am I asking him?

“There’s so much to do this year. The theme is the Twelve Days of Christmas. Each area of the park is laid out for a different day with games, crafts, stuff to buy, you know, all that shit that girls go crazy for.”

I roll my eyes at his assessment, walking out of my bathroom to reveal my dark navy sweater and dark-stained jeans. They don’t look much different than the last couple of outfits, but judging by the way Billy’s face doesn’t grimace this time when he sees me, I must have finally done something right.

“Look at you!” His hands come out like he’s presenting me to an invisible audience before he starts clapping.

“Next time I’m asking Mark,” I grumble, though I smile, nodding, grateful for his help.

He nods back, accepting my silent gratitude. “Please, and who do you think Mark learns everything he knows from?”

“Is that why he’s still single?” I pause, looking at him through the mirror, wearing a self-satisfied grin.

“I’ll have you know we’ve come up with an idea to rectify that situation, and soon our boy will be sweeping Remy off her feet,” he says, crossing his arms and puffing up proudly.

I bark out a laugh. “Right, if she doesn’t knock him off his feet first.”

Remy is a tough woman, kind but sharp, a sweet beauty but lethal. Everyone knows her. She owns The Boozy Bear, and in all this time, there’s never been a man who’s held a candle to her wit or even stood a chance at dating her. Leave it to Mark to think he’s the man to change that.

Then again…

“On second thought, why not? We all deserve a little happiness, right?” I shrug, turning to face him.

“Exactly,” he agrees, patting my shoulder.

“And to your earlier point, Rory isn’t just some girl. I’m sure she’ll love the Holiday Festival, and we can check it out too, but she loves movies. What’s better than bringing her to the Winter Wonderland Drive-In?”

This is the first year they’re transforming the drive-in to create holiday magic. At least that’s what the sign said. I think it’s a great idea. Usually, the drive-in is only open in the summer, but each weekend of December, they’re playing holiday classics from The Santa Clause, Polar Express, Home Alone, and tonight, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I’ve lived in this town all my life, and seeing them make improvements that keep this place feeling like a community with small-town charm fills me with pride. It’s the type of town I want to raise my son in.

The thought slams into me out of nowhere, leaving me feeling hollow inside. I’ve gotten used to missing him, that heavy ache that never really goes away, but lately I’ve been distracted. Guilt rushes over me like cold water, knowing that in only a few weeks it will be a whole year since I’ve seen him. Since I’ve seen my boy. I rub at the ache that never seems to go away, looking down and away from Billy, choosing instead to focus my attention outside the window, as if the answer to all of my problems lies somewhere beyond it.

“You’re right,” Billy says, his voice dropping lower. “She’ll love it.”

He waits, noticing the shift in my mood and not pushing for me to explain myself, probably because he already knows. Only one thing can sour my mood in an instant.

“You deserve to see him. What she’s doing, keeping him from you, is wrong.”

I deserve to see him. My stomach sinks. It’s the idea I’ve wrestled with for almost a year now. What right do I have to push my ex-wife? To make her life harder? The guilt over not being the husband she needed is being choked further by the guilt of having missed all this time with my son.

Billy walks toward my shoes and picks out which one he thinks goes best, switching back to the non-serious goof, as if he didn’t just address the elephant in the room.

“Why do you even own these?” He picks up my pair of New Balances between two fingers, like he’s been personally offended by them.

“Okay, I think I’ve got it from here,” I grumble, the corner of my lips turning down as I hold the door open for him to leave.

He drops the New Balances and walks through, but stops before heading down the stairs.

“You deserve to be happy, Garrett,” he says, hand on the railing and looking down at it. “Both you and Pinky.” He grins, looking at me over his shoulder.

I shake my head at his ridiculous nickname for her, but before he makes it halfway down the stairs, I call out, “And what about you?”