Page 47 of Dandelions and Smoke

She finds joy in the little things. That much I’ve realized. With that in mind, I order a large popcorn, two seltzers, two hot chocolates, and before the cashier is finished ringing me up, I grab the biggest bag of gummy bears that I can find.

Feeling pretty good about my haul, I head back to the truck, knowing full well I must look ridiculous trying to balance and carry all of this with a giant smile on my face. Luckily, the tray the drinks are in ensures nothing falls when a woman steps directly into my path once I’m almost to the truck.

“Garrett Mason?” Nora, an old friend of my ex-wife, Jasenia, stands in front of me, taking inventory of everything I’m holding, wearing a forced smile as mine falls. “I knew that was you walking this way. What are you doing here?”

My only response is a raised eyebrow. Her tone is bright and casual, but Nora has never been a fan of mine. Jasenia doesn’t have many friends, but Nora has always been around. It’s too bad she hasn’t been someone who wants anything more than gossip and drama out of their friendship. She’s never been there for Jasenia when it actually matters. During the darkest parts of her postpartum depression, Nora was nowhere to be found, but as soon as she heard we were getting a divorce, she popped out like a weed. It’s like she enjoys people’s unhappiness.

Thinking about weeds reminds me of my own little dandelion waiting for me in the passenger seat of my truck, and instinctively, I look toward her over Nora’s shoulder. I realize too late that this is a mistake, as Nora follows my gaze, but I’m once again grateful for those tinted windows, now for a whole new reason.

She turns back toward me, eyes narrowed, and her lips pinched. She lets out a laugh that sounds too forced and unnatural to be anything but insincere.

“Wait, are you on a date? That’s so cute. I hadn’t realized you and Jay started seeing other people. What does she think about this?” Her head tilts to the side, and I already know that she is formulating a way to slink back to Jasenia and tell her all about this.

She can’t see Rory from here, so at least I don’t have to worry about her being harassed by Nora and Jasenia. Still, with no real information at all, I know how Nora can paint a story. Jasenia used to be a sweetheart, but the years have hardened her. Now I’m not sure what she’d do or how she’d feel about me moving on. There’s no love lost between us, but allowing me to be happy when she’s not?

Acid burns at the back of my throat, and my teeth grind as I fight to remain composed. I still haven’t said a word, but it suddenly feels like the temperature has dropped ten degrees.

“I’m here to see a movie. Enjoy your night, Nora,” I say politely, because she’s not worth ruining my night over.

I don’t waste a backwards glance as I walk away, and she snorts before calling out a sarcastic, “You too.”

I slide into the driver’s seat, careful not to spill anything, and watch as Rory’s eyes bulge.

“What did you get?” She sticks her arms out with ‘gimme’ hands, and I smirk.

I hand her everything, and a tiny, disbelieving laugh escapes her, her features softening into an expression of such raw, open delight that it leaves her looking entirely defenseless. The moment is everything I hoped for. All the emotions that threatened to choke me out a few moments ago fade to the background in a way that only happens when I’m with her.

“This is perfect,” she says, looking between the popcorn and gummy bears. “Thank you.”

Her kiss is filled with gratitude, her hand coming up to caress my face before she pulls away and looks into my eyes like she sees right through to my soul. It starts as a spark deep within me, spreading as something I’ve been holding onto finally comes undone, leaving me feeling weightless.

The sensation expands, and my heart feels as though it’s not only beating faster but stronger, as if it beats for her. My world narrows in on the deep shades of sapphire in her eyes and the way they contrast with the cerulean rings inside them. I’m lost in this moment, and I already know what’s too soon to put into words, but someday I will, and I can only hope she says it back.

Kissing her one more time, softer, I lean my head against hers as our lips part and the fears from earlier slam and fall against the walls of my mind. I inhale deeply, grounding myself with the way the soft smell of her, warm vanilla and something sweet like candy, mixes with the smell of popcorn that now fills the truck. Her hand, still on my face, slides down and rests against me. I know she feels it, the way my heartbeats have become erratic.

Slowly, she pulls away, and her expression shifts to one more present than playful, reminding me of how she sees more than most people realize.

“I’m guessing whoever that woman was kicked up some of that stuff we talked about you carrying?” she asks, her head dipping down, gently inviting me to share with her what that was all about.

I should have known she’d see Nora and me talking and have questions. I don’t blame her. She connects the dots so easily. Her ability to notice the subtle shifts is exactly what I appreciate about her. That, and the way the many contradictory facets of her personality come together to make her exactly who she is. The playful and silly woman who seconds ago was organizing gummy bears and popcorn makes room for the one who is holding my hand, providing a quiet strength and waiting patiently for me to share without judgment.

“Her name is Nora, and she’s a friend of my ex-wife, Jasenia,” I start, nodding my head and looking around, grateful that wherever she is isn’t somewhere I can see. “She sucks.”

Rory laughs, but it’s not the same as our laughter from earlier. This is weighted, and she waits for me to continue.

With a long exhale, I admit what I’ve known in my mind for months now.

“I left my ex alone in our marriage, and now she’s using my son to punish me. She was miserable when we were together, and she doesn’t want me to be happy now. The worst part is I’ve spent all this time without my son, feeling too guilty to question if it’s what I deserve because a part of me believes I do.”

She listens but doesn’t jump in right away, letting my words sit between us. She doesn’t fidget, doesn’t look for something to distract her. She’s locked in on me, and it makes this moment feel that much more important.

“Why do you believe that?” she asks, her tone steady, looking at me like she doesn’t believe it at all, but sees that I do.

“I’m not sure that conversation is first date material,” I tease, though there’s a heaviness in my voice that I know she notices. “But I promise, one day I’ll explain everything. For now, I can tell you that something broke back then, mostly because I wasn’t around to stop it. I did what I could in the aftermath, but nothing changed. She never actually came back from it. I don’t know if she’s holding a grudge now or if she genuinely blames me for the whole thing, but I’ve lost my grip on what she feels. I tried to help her, but it was no use.”

It’s vague, and there’s a lot of information I’m leaving out, but now is not the time. This is already more than I wanted to talk about tonight. My stomach sinks as I worry if I’ve already ruined the night. I watch Rory, trying to gauge her reaction to everything I’ve said. To my relief, she doesn’t look angry that I’m not sharing more. Instead, she looks to be deep in thought as well.

“You can reach into a fire to pull someone out,” she says, her voice dropping softly, “but if they aren’t willing to grab your hand, you can’t leave it there, or else you’ll get burned too.” She looks away, as if she’s gone somewhere else, but when she looks back at me, her demeanor shifts until she’s wearing a small grin. “Lucky for you, I don’t hold grudges. I can’t remember them.”