Page 20 of Broken Trust

She rushes to me and holds on to me.

“You can do it, girl. I know you can.” Then she kisses me on the cheek. “I'm so fucking proud of you.”

I can't believe this chapter of my life is over, but I know one thing for sure: it is better, and it should be ending, but it hurts just as much as it did when I found out that Dante had been sleeping with my twin. I hold on to Nella tighter, not wanting to let go.

“You let it all out.”

I do. I cry until I can't anymore, then when I think I've stopped, I cry some more.

14

DANTE

The next few weeks, I forget about the theatre, the production and everything else. I can't get over how beautiful she is, my daughter. My time is spent looking for clothes for her, even if she can't fit into them. Rushing to her every need. And as for Mia, she asked to stay in her apartment.

The house we built together finally feels like the haven Gia always said it could be. She knew what it could become, and I ignored her.

She's still in the cabin.

Apparently, she's using her skills in the kitchen to feed the locals. Something Gia prided herself on was her culinary skills. God, I miss her.

On the nights Rosa won't go down, and there are more of those than anyone warned me about, I stopped fighting it weeks ago. I lift her out of the crib at some black hour, do up the straps, and I drive. The engine turns over and her whole body goes soft against the harness before I've reached the end of the road. Every time. My daughter sleeps, and the one road long enough to hold her all the way under is the one that runs up the valley to the cabin.

So that's where we go. I tell myself it's for Rosa.

I cut the lights before the last bend and let the car roll in on its own weight, and I park under the big pine where the shadow swallows us, and I sit with the heater ticking and my daughter breathing in the back and I watch the lit square of the kitchen the way a man dying of thirst watches a glass he isn't allowed to touch.

Tonight Gia's making ragù. I can tell by the way she moves, unhurried, from the pot she keeps going back to and stirring low and slow, the wooden spoon turning through something that has clearly been on that stove since the afternoon. That's how her Nonna taught her, she told me once, while she was curled into my side on a Sunday. I gave that up.

God help me.

She looks better than she did the day I married her. She tastes the sauce off the spoon and her eyes close for a second, and then she laughs out loud, on her own, for no one. I can’t remember the last time she laughed like that when we were together.

I did that. I blamed everything but the truth of the matter was, I’d used her in the worst sense, and I didn’t realize it until she’d left.

Mia was fun. She was easy in a way Gia never was. Now, I’m alone, no work and no distractions from anyone, I’ve had some serious time to think. All that happened with Mia was lust.

They’re twins and may look alike, but I never saw the real Mia until Rosa was born. She hasn’t held her, or even looked at her once. I thought maybe she is suffering from postnatal depression, so I went to see Nella about it in the hospital.

“Now, you see the real Mia. You’ve been too blind to see it when you were fucking her.”

That was Nella’s response. Crude, but true.

Rosa stirs and makes the small sound that means I've got about four minutes to go, before she lets the whole village know I’m spying on Gia. I start the engine, and the kitchen light doesn't so much as flicker. Every time we come here, I leave with a smile on my face. Rosa settles again, but I really need to get her out of her seat for a while, before heading back home.

The drive down is different from the drive up. Going to the cabin I'm nervous in case Gia sees us. But on the way back, I feel at peace knowing Gia is alright. That she’s happy. Rosa sleeps the whole way and I keep glancing at her in the mirror at the lights, and I catch myself grinning in the dark like a boy who got away with something.

Once we're home, I rush to put Rosa down without waking her and stand over the crib until she settles.

Mia still hasn't come to see her. Not once. Her own daughter, weeks old now, and she hasn't so much as asked for a photo. Ma wanted to stay for a few weeks after the birth, but then Pa said he needed her at home, and he always takes priority. My suocera visits, but never stays long and Nella pops in to make sure I’m doing it right.

Nella’s face lights up whenever she looks at Rosa. Rosa has that effect on everyone, especially me.

Then as I leave Rosa’s room, my phone vibrates.

Mia.

I gave you a baby. Pay up.