Page 118 of Alpha’s Possession

I borrow some of Zara’s clothes and take a shower. Staring down at my bump as I wash with the citrus-smelling soap, I feel lonelier now than I even did in the Den. Especially after seeing how doting my sister’s mates are with her. They treat her like a precious gem, showing her such love, while mine can barely look at me. It stings. Climbing in the huge soft bed, I feel cold, and the scents are all wrong. I struggle to fall asleep in this unfamiliar place.

Chapter Eighty-Eight

FOUR DAYS LATER

~Harlow~

I thought after coming here and finding my sister that the rest would be easy. That I would find my place here after a day or two, but I miss my Den, even though I despised being held prisoner in it. It was driving me insane, yet being here is much of the same. I have no place, not here, not even with my sister.

Zara was my home for so long, and I thought I would find that home again with her. But that isn’t the case. It is far from the relationship that I once found such safety in.

Now I have no home, and the home I crave is a toxic one. What my instincts are telling me to go back to is bad for me; yet still I crave that familiarity. Sitting here, watching my sister with her mates, getting the support and love she always craved and wanted within a pack, makes me feel even more lonely. I’m like the third wheel, or ninth in this case.

Eight mates, I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact she has so many. Yet at this point, I would take any one of mine, even Thane’s overbearing ass, just to feel like I have someone, anyone. This is not my home, and she is no longer my safe place.

It’s so far from the reality we once shared that all I can see is the distance between us, how far removed we are from each other now. We’re twins, connected in the most sacred and pure of ways, but she’s different now that she’s suffered a great loss. She is no longer the girl I remember, and neither am I.

Gone are the two girls, once joined at the hip. Polar opposites, yet one and the same. I’m Harlow again, an identity I just got back, but I’m not sure who that is anymore. And Zara is traumatized, stuck in the loss of her daughter—stuck in a past I can’t relate to because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.

I don’t know how to bring her back from the brink, just as she doesn’t know how to bring me back from the coldness that is taking me over. We have become identical strangers. Our wants and needs changed over these last couple of years. I’ve realized that I learned to live without her, learned to be on my own, and only now do I truly realize how alone I am.

No one in my corner, no one to watch my back, and I suddenly find myself walking a path I never expected. A path that we don’t share, but isn't solely mine either, and I now recognize the trauma that it causes me.

She left a bad place and found a home. I left a bad place and found loneliness, emptiness. Zara carries children that will grow up feeling safe and loved, with support and stability. The child I carry will have only me. I get no support, and once again, I find myself in that familiar, helpless place of having only myself to rely on.

I let myself believe, if only for a brief moment, that I had found a home. Even when I was locked in that dreaded Den. That place was miserable, but I had found comfort in my misery. It was mine, but I had lost that too.

I’m starting from scratch again, when I never really had scratch to begin with. Back down the rabbit hole I go. I keep trying to crawl my way out, but I can’t seem to recreate any sense of home. And that clarity smashes into me when Jake comes to sit with me on the huge verandah of the home that I will never have a place in.

“I made you hot chocolate,” he says, passing me the mug and handing me the blanket draped over his arm.

“Thanks,” I tell him, accepting the warmth the hot chocolate offers, while making sure not to touch him. I feel contagious, like I’ve been infected with a plague. Everyone is so careful to keep their distance. I am so touch-starved that I suddenly miss the pack that I never wanted in the first place, and who never wanted me. They are the one thing that was mine, yet I was denied that too.

“We’re worried about Zara,” Jake finally says after a few moments of stretched silence. I nod my head, knowing this was coming.

I know me being here is disrupting her. Having her so close disrupts me too. Omegas aren’t meant to be sister wives, which is funny to me, given we are sisters, yet my presence makes her uneasy. Just like Sarah being around my mates made me uneasy.

Zara sleepwalked into my room the other night. My scent was in the kitchen, and it sent her on the hunt. She almost attacked me before she regained her senses. Before she recognized who I am to her. But for those few tense seconds when she entered my room, I feared for my life. Because there is no way I could hurt her, not even to defend myself. Not when I just got her back.

“I’ll find somewhere in town to stay,” I tell him, looking out at the rolling hills that surround the place. It’s a slice of heaven out here, yet not even heaven would have me in this wide space.

Jake nods. His hand reaches out for mine before he pulls it back. I smile at him knowing it must be hard having two Omegas under one roof.

“We have a guest house at the back of the property if you’d prefer that. It’s close enough that you can come over to see her whenever you like. We usually only use it when Zara puts one of us in the doghouse,” Jake chuckles.

I nod my head, and he rises to his feet. “Zara is making breakfast. Although, I should warn you, she can’t cook for shit. Just smile and bear it, but don’t insult her. She thinks she is a master chef, and rarely cooks,” he laughs.

“Thanks, I will come in in a few minutes,” I tell him, and he goes to walk off, before pausing. He reaches into his pocket and hands me his phone. “Rhen called. Your mates are worried about you, Harlow. You should give them a call and let them know you’re okay."

“But Thane—”

“Thane won’t get past my borders without me knowing. You can call them, Harlow.”

“But if he comes here,” I panic, worried about my sister's state of mind.

“You can’t avoid them forever, and honestly, I’m surprised Thane hasn’t come here already—I know he watches his mates’ phones. Rhen, Raidon, and Leon have been blowing mine up trying to reach you.”

“You’re not worried about Thane?” I ask him. Jake shrugs.