Page 130 of His to Own

“I want to be happy in life. I want to feel… fulfilled. It’s something I’m working towards but it’s a struggle.”

“I never knew that.”

“You never thought to ask.”

I flinch. She has a point there. I let Polina walk all over me before and instead of standing up for myself, I allowed myself to hate her. But maybe we’re not so different.

“You didn’t have to be so mean to me,” I say.

Polina studies my face for a long moment before she sighs. “You’re right. I didn’t have to. I’m not going to say sorry. I did what I needed to do to achieve my goals. Professor Burgov will announce the winner of the internship at the end of this week. I guess we’ll finally know who won, huh?”

“I guess. Thank you,” I say before I can stop myself. “For talking with me instead of being mean to me. I don’t really have many friends. I wouldn’t mind…”

“Are you asking to be friends?” She sounds horrified at the thought.

I sit up straighter. “I’m… sorry? I didn’t mean any offense by that.”

“I like you, Elena. I feel sorry for you even. You have a handsome, rich husband but I can tell your life isn’t all that easy. Especially since your father gave you that.” She motions to her cheek. “But I don’t want to be friends. If we’re friends, I’ll drop my guard and then I won’t be as driven as I am now.”

“I understand,” I say, even though it hurts to be rejected like this, especially by Polina of all people.

“But… maybe once we’re done with school we can be friends. Once I have my life in order.” She holds her hand out. “Deal?”

After a moment, I shake it. “Deal.”

“Are you all right? If I leave, can I be assured you won’t hurt yourself?”

“I won’t hurt myself,” I promise, though a part of me feels like doing it. I just want the pain to go away. I know how to make it go away: Maxim. I need to tell him what happened with my father.

“Good.” Polina gets to her feet but before she can walk away, I say her name.

“I’m doing a poetry reading this weekend. You should come. Since you liked my writing and all.”

“I guess we’ll know by then who won Professor Burgov’s internship. If I won, I’ll be there. If you won, then I’ll be too angry to come and I’ll probably be drawing your face in my journal and crossing it out.”

“And if neither one of us wins it?”

She hesitates. “Then I guess we can go out for a drink and feel pity for ourselves. I’ll let you know by the end of this week.”

I watch Polina walk away and feel a lightness I never expected to feel after talking with her. It’s time I return home and speak with Maxim and show my husband that I do trust him.

The problem is: Maxim isn’t home when I return. And he doesn’t come back at all during the night. I try calling him but he doesn’t answer.

I call Lana instead. “Do you know where my husband is? Has Nikolai said anything?”

“I know he and Nikolai were at work a few hours ago but Nikolai has returned home. I’m not sure where Maxim is. Has something gone wrong?”

“No,” I lie. “I was just looking for him. He hasn’t come back home yet. But I’ll wait. I’m sure he’ll return.”

Even after I end my conversation with Lana, Maxim still doesn’t come home. I can’t wait anymore. I need to know where he is.

My first instinct is to go to the club I found him in before. But when I get there and am surrounded by so many people, I feel woozy. I can feel my spine shrinking again. The memory of hitting my father makes me flinch and I end up bumping into some girl carrying a fruity drink. It spills all over her body.

“Sorry,” I whisper.

“You bitch,” she mutters.

I turn my head to the upstairs section of the club and that’s when I see him. Maxim in the same private booth as before, talking to the same man as before. Alisa’s husband.