Page 84 of A Tragic Melody

“No. I wasn’t able to love back then.”

“Because of the drugs?”

“Because my family was dead, and I was doing drugs to block off all emotions.”

“Before that, did you love anyone?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I had a high school girlfriend I was very much in love with, but it was high school, and not meant to last.”

“I’ve never been in love. Or loved.” Tuesday tucks her feet under herself, taking another sip. “I think love is highly overrated.”

“Love is messy,” David adds. “I avoid it as much as I can.”

“Don’t we all.” Kellen laughs.

“I think love is great,” I counter. “I’m not seeking it out right now, for obvious reasons, but I think being in love is a really good feeling. Every relationship has its issues, but with the right person, the issues aren’t a big deal.”

“Okay.” Kellen laughs. “We got ourselves a bleeding heart over here.”

Tuesday looks over at me. “I think I wasn’t made to be loved, just to be used.” She wipes at the corner of her eyes. “But I hope you find yourself a good someone someday.” She smiles. “As for me, I’m going to enjoy being single and having fun.” She takes another sip of vodka.

“Me too.” David laughs.

I slide off my guitar, pushing myself to my feet. I need to get away from her before I say anything else. The need to convince her she deserves better still lingers in my chest. I want nothing more than to show her what it feels like to be loved, but I can’t.

I can’t love her because if I fall in love with her, she’ll kill me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Another few shows are down, and now we are closer to the end of the tour. I’m feeling exhausted, not tired. The drugs never let me feel too tired, but just burnt out.

I hate being trapped on a bus all the time. I hate playing with crappy bands. I hate that I can’t seem to get the memory of Wyatt making me come out of my head.

It doesn’t help that he is always around. Always playing with his guitar and looking cute in his stupid double shirts.

I know he’s taken over watching me. Quinn still does it from time to time, but lately he has been busy making phone calls to some girl. I’m not jealous of the girl, but I’m annoyed he is letting Wyatt take over as my watchdog. Mainly because I like him watching me too much for my own good. Or for his own good, for that matter.

My period is finally over. I was able to get a refill of drugs, but already took all the pain pills to survive the period from hell. The orgasms Wyatt gave me did help, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him for any more.

It was bad enough I let him do it to begin with. Sure, I laid beside him touching myself, but I didn’t really expect him to go down on me while I was on my period. He seemed so unbothered by it, though, and that may have been the sexiest part of the whole thing.

He seemed to only care about making me feel good, and he certainly delivered.

After he spilled the beans about having a sex tape, I searched every porn site I could find, but came up empty. I almost don’t believe him, but when I go through his social media, I find pictures of a few ex-girlfriends. I pick the most recent one to start and ask her about it. I used my fake account, so to her I’m just a curious girl, wanting to know more about Wyatt James.

She took two days to reply, but she did confirm there was a video. Of course, she lost it, but she gave me the original site she uploaded it on along with a vague idea of what she may have labeled it.

Still, all that, and I have nothing to show for it. I chatted a bit more with her. Asking why they broke up, and what kind of boyfriend he was.

She didn’t seem concerned talking to some stranger online about an ex-boyfriend. She let me know he was a good boyfriend, but she couldn’t handle how broken up he was over his family. He wouldn’t talk about it, but it was written all over his face, and she didn’t want to be bothered with it. Plus, he was high more often than not. Still thoughtful, though. Threw her a birthday party and got her presents.

She sounds like a real bitch.

At least when I’ve been mean to him, I didn’t try to cover it up. And I felt bad about his dead family.

I block her shortly after. I hate that he wasted time on the stupid bitch.

I stalk his other exes, too—including the high school girlfriend he talked about loving. She is beautiful. The opposite of me. Dark hair, light eyes, all smiles.