Page 2 of Sanctuary After Dark

"I'm scared." Turning my gaze to him, I can see the understanding in his eyes. While my recovery here was hard, this will be harder on my mental health. But I'm determined to do it no matter how much it scares me.

And it fucking terrifies me.

"What scares you the most?" Alec jotted something down in his notebook before looking back to me expectantly. He waits for me, never pushing for an answer right away as I go through my thoughts.

"To fail. To end up back here. To disappoint everyone." I bite my lower lip for a moment before taking a sip of my tea to buy myself a moment of time. "I'm mainly scared of falling back into routines and behaviors that led me into this mess to begin with. I know what you're going to say, Doc. It wasn't my fault, and I know that. I do. But I don't want to miss the red flags again. Because looking back at everything… there were definitely red flags even in the beginning. But I was so enamored with him I ignored them all. I want to explore my submission again, but I don't want to lose myself in the process."

Alec just smiled at me and nodded. "And that self-awareness is why I think you're ready for this next step in your recovery, Elias. When I first started seeing you as a patient, you were adamant that everything was your fault. Jack's voice was still in your ear, telling you that if you had just been good, he wouldn't have had to hurt you. But now you know it wasn't your fault at all, and you recognize you want to be better for yourself. The fear of disappointing people is natural, especially for a submissive. It's ingrained in you to want to please. Before, you would have done anything to please others. You would have ignored all the warning bells and red flags, regardless of whether it was safe for you. Now, you know and understand that you can say no. That you don't have to please everyone. And you will not do this alone, either. We'll still have our sessions, just in a different location this time, and not as frequently as here."

I couldn't help but flinch a little at the mention of his name. I tried not to think about it, and hearing it out loud always had me tensing. Like saying his name would summon him. I haven't uttered his name since I entered rehab.

"I'm proud of you, Elias. You've come a long way and put in a lot of work to get to where you are now. I believe you're ready." I looked up at Alec when he said that he was proud of me, and I couldn't help but smile softly for a moment. It felt good to hear it, and I could feel my shoulders relax a little at the acknowledgment of how hard I had worked to get to this moment.

"Yeah..." I knew that the next step in my recovery was going to be even harder. Exposure therapy was going to bring up a lot of memories and emotions. Facing everything again and confronting what had been done to me would cause panic attacks and nightmares. But I was ready to face it. I was ready to reclaim a part of me that had been stolen. A safe space that was tainted. I squared my shoulders and nodded as I looked up at Alec.

"I'm ready."

Before

"Oof! Sorry! Oh my god, sorry!" I giggled as I turned to face the person I had run into. It was Easter weekend, and my kink community was hosting an Easter egg hunt at someone's house. We were a smaller community, but I loved it. I had so many friends here and we always had the bestest events. We didn't have a set location, so we relied mainly on renting clubs out or using other members' houses. But I loved it.

There were a bunch of other subs running around the large backyard with baskets looking for Easter eggs the doms had hidden for us. And of course, the doms made it extra hard for us by hiding them in sneaky places. They were always trying to do that to us. Sometimes they would even be in someone's pocket! How silly was that? But I was the bestest egg hunter ever, and with my fluffy bunny ears on my head, I was ready to kick some ass and find the most eggs! I was determined and had my eye on the prize! Which is how I ran into someone while running to get more eggs. Oops.

"It's all right, little one. Just be careful where you're going."

I looked up at the warm chuckle and deeper voice, and my eyes widened as I took in the man standing before me. Wow. Oh, boy. I was suddenly speechless, which was an impressive feat for me since I was a yapper and would talk and talk and talk. He had to be new because I didn't remember seeing him at any of the munches or events, and I would have remembered. He was gorgeous. Like, my body is ready, gorgeous!

He was significantly taller than I was, which wasn't that hard when I was only five feet six inches in height. But I made up for my lack of height in attitude, I was told. He had dirty-blonde hair that hung to his shoulders, but he kept it pulled half up in a small ponytail. Just think of the slutty man-bun he would have! Um, YUM! His eyes were a warm chocolate brown that I could just melt into and made me think of the hot chocolate I would make on wintry nights. His face was clean-shaven with a sharp jawline and full lips that were lifted in a smirk that made my knees weak a bit. I bit my lower lip and wondered what they would feel like on my skin. I bet they were really soft.

He was wearing jeans, brown boots, and his sweatshirt looked really soft in baby blue. On the front was a picture of two chocolate bunnies. I appreciated he chose something on par with the theme. That was very important. One had a bite taken out of his bottom with a quote that said 'My butt hurts,' and the other had his ears bitten off with a quote that said 'What?!' I couldn't help but cover my mouth and giggle at how silly his sweatshirt was. I was a sucker for a silly shirt.

"Well, at least someone appreciates my sweatshirt. I thought it was quite funny as well, but my cousin thought it was dumb." The man said with a glint of amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his delicious-looking lips.

I couldn't help but gasp at the audacity of his cousin. "This right here is prime Easter humor, sir! Your cousin just doesn't know what they're talking about." I moved to juggle my basket, so it hung from my arm, so I could pull my shirt down a little. I pointed at the design on my chest. My shirt featured a raccoon in bunny ears that stated, 'Bunnies are overrated. Stay feral.' Flashing my brightest smile up at him with a giggle. "I should know. I'm very well-versed in Easter humor."

It made my heart giddy when I saw him laugh again as he took in the image and the phrase. It was one of my favorite holiday shirts. I had a bunch of them for each holiday, and it was hard picking between this one and my zombie Jesus one.

"I can see that. And are you feral, little one? You seem like a sweet little thing to me. I bet you're as sweet as candy."

"Looks can be deceiving. I am the most feralest of everyone here! I will literally bite a bitch." I bared my teeth and growled to prove my point, which earned me another chuckle from him. The sound of it was so deep and warm, and had me getting all wriggly and fuzzy inside my tummy.

"Hmm, I can see that now. A feral little minx, aren't you? Maybe you need a leash around that pretty neck of yours. A firm hand to keep you in line." His grin turned wolfish as he reached forward and ran his finger down my neck gently, making me shiver and bite my lower lip again to hold in a whimper. "What's your name, little minx?"

I shifted on my feet a bit while I looked up at him with my mismatched eyes of blue and brown. I had always loved my eyes. They were different and rare, and always ended up getting me whatever I wanted. Which I would never use to my advantage. Nope. Never. I don't know what you're talking about.

"Elias, sir. But everyone calls me Eli."

"Well, Eli, maybe later on, once the games are over, we can play and then get to know one another a little better. Maybe I could buy you dinner? Would you like that?" His brown eyes raked over my body from the toes of my black and white Converse, up my long legs in pink leggings, to my yellow oversized t-shirt I had tied around my waist to show off my figure. Flaunt what your mama gave you, right? Finally, landing on the fluffy blue rabbit ears nestled in my reddish-brown curls.

I really wanted to play with him. Even though we had just met, he was gorgeous, and I wanted to feel his hands on me. But the offer of dinner afterward really sold me. He didn't just want to fuck me; he wanted to get to know me. I nodded and smiled shyly at him. "I'd really like that, sir."

"Eli! Come on! There are more eggs over here!"

Looking up at the sound of my name, I saw my friend, Rose, waving me over as she bounced on her feet. I smiled and waved back at her. "I'm coming!"

"Go on then, little minx. I'll find you after the egg hunt, and you can show me all the ones you've collected."

Grinning, I turned to run over to my friend before stopping and turning back to the man. I didn't even get his name! Silly me! That was an important piece of information that I would need if I were going to be screaming it later.