Page 41 of Against All Odds

“If only you could touch me.” My breath caught at her whispered plea. I didn’t move from my position in the corner, only pressed my thighs together as I stared at her so intensely, I wouldn’t be surprised if she could feel my eyes burn into her. “I would let you have me however, whenever, wherever you wanted.”

My entire body tensed up. “Oh, you will regret that,” I muttered. It was all I could bring myself to say, my last defiance quickly leaving my body. I wouldn’t give in – I wouldn’t touch myself, not here, not without her knowing, no matter how badly I wanted to. But as she cried out my name as her orgasm rippled through her so violently, I could feel the vibrations from here, I knew I had to get out of here.

Of course, I had thought about it – how could I not when she stared up at me with those doe eyes? I never intended to act on it, but suddenly, I wasn’t so sure of myself anymore. I knew she had formed some toxic attachment to me, but I didn’t realize she wanted me this fucking badly.

This was bad – and it was all my fault. Clearly, I’d been crossing too many lines. I needed to get out of here before I did something we couldn’t come back from.

I cast one last look at Raya as the portal opened. She was staring up at the ceiling, catching her breath as her lithe fingers made small circles over her stomach – caressing her body like a sacred ritual to trick her mind into loving herself, a world of contrast to the destruction she usually put herself through. A lump formed in my throat as my gaze fixed on her fingers, because suddenly, I wanted to touch her exactly like that: firmly at first, then softly after. She’d pulled me into this act of self-worship as if it were mine to witness, and I wanted to stay here, watching her until she drifted off to sleep.

Maybe it was easier because she couldn’t see me. If the veil weren’t there, and if she’d matured emotionally, I could certainly handle her hunger in the way she needed – but I wasn’t sure I could give her the softness she deserved.

While she was relishing her post-orgasm bliss, I jumped through the portal. Back to the gray world, where everything was predictable and safe.

Chapter 18.

Raya

Clinking glasses, tipsy laughter, loud crunching. Kyle’s house was a cacophony of happy young people, most of them unfamiliar. I sat between two girls who had clearly known each other for a long time – I could tell from the inside jokes and the way they recalled memories together. I’d tried to join the conversation a few times, but given up when they didn’t seem too interested in engaging with me.

The first part of the evening had been alright. Kyle had introduced me to his girlfriend, Marya, and most of his friends. She was just what I expected: kind eyes, shy smile, and a sweet, bubbly energy that rubbed off on him. I could see why his whole face lit up around her.

I would have preferred to sit next to Kyle the whole evening, just so I would have someone to talk to. But after thirty minutes, his girlfriend started giving me weird looks, and the last thing I wanted was to mess up their happiness with my presence. I wasn’t sure if she knew Kyle and I had made out multiple times, or that all our old friends thought we had something going on at some point – but if he hadn’t told her, it wasn’t my place, either.

Unfortunately, I’d never been good at talking to strangers – especially a group of extraverted, cheerful college students who apparently all knew each other and all enjoyed a nice glass of wine.

My hand was trembling when I reached into the bowl of chips and found it empty.

I swallowed thickly. I had been drinking one cup of tea after another and eaten two entire bags of chips just to give myself something to do – but I couldn’t keep this up. Otherwise, those people would soon notice something was off with me.

I couldn’t help but eye the half-full bottle on the table. God, how I craved a glass of wine – but I couldn’t. I wanted to keep my promise to Seren. I wanted to save both our souls.

Even though she was apparently a convicted fraudster. Even though she hadn’t shown up in my dreams once after last time, when she lectured me about boundaries while unraveling me with a murmured promise and a single hand on my cheek. What if she somehow knew I’d been fantasizing about her? She said she couldn’t walk in on my private moments, but could I trust her to tell the truth? I’d allowed my thoughts to drift in a moment of weakness, but the idea of her finding out about that was so embarrassing, I’d rather jump off a cliff. She would be disgusted, maybe even feel violated. Despite her seductive appearance, I was pretty sure my attraction to her was one-sided, and that she viewed me as nothing more than a burden.

Just like Rebekah had. I wasn’t learning; I’d just changed the object of my obsession from one unavailable woman to the next.

But then why had she touched my face like that? Spoken to me in that sultry tone as if she knew exactly what she was doing to me?

Fuck, I needed that glass of wine. I couldn’t let my mind drift to the things I wanted her to do to me, not here, not now. Maybe not ever.

I stood so abruptly, the girls beside me paused their conversation.

“Bathroom break.” I forced a shaky smile as I stepped away. Hopefully, one of them would take my chair, so I wouldn’t have to sit between them again.

My face burned as I walked toward the bathroom. This was my third bathroom break in an hour – if I didn’t stop gulping down tea, they would all think I had bladder issues.

“Raya?” I flinched slightly at a male voice behind me, then relaxed when I saw Kyle. “Are you okay? Having fun?”

“Of course, I’m having a great time. Are you?” I flashed him the brightest smile I could muster. He absolutely couldn’t think I wasn’t having fun at his birthday, or that bringing me was a mistake. “Marya seems so sweet.”

“She is, isn’t she?” His eyes lit up, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the change of topic. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone, Raya, not even with my ex. Whenever I’m around Marya, the world just feels a few shades lighter. Like she reminds me that love and life in general can be fun, too.” His smile broadened, and my heart melted at the sight.

“I’m so happy you two have found each other.” I smiled, lightly squeezing his arm – then quickly let go when I spotted Marya’s narrowed eyes from across the room.

Kyle didn’t seem to notice, and I wasn’t about to spoil his good mood. “I’m glad you’re here, Raya. I can imagine it’s hard for you not to drink, but I’m just really happy you still came.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine. I love tea, actually. I recently realized I absolutely adore tea, and you have such unique flavors – I just can’t get enough of it. Earl Grey, cinnamon, peach – it’s such a world of discovery. Tea is so much better than alcohol.” When his brows raised, I quickly stopped my monologue. “Anyways, don’t worry about me, please. Just go have a good time with your girlfriend, okay? I really need to pee now.”

I snuck past him into the bathroom and released the breath I was holding. Maybe I should just stay for thirty more minutes and then head home. I could tell Kyle I was still tired from exam week – that was a believable excuse, right?