Page 122 of Commanding Scythe and Sky

“Freya,” she snapped, scowling at me exactly the way I’d expect from her mother. She might’ve inherited Marcus’ features, but those expressions belonged to his mate. “Stop deflecting. Please.” She took my hands, shoulders slumping. “We’re worried about you. You’ve spread yourself too thin. Everything that happened—first with Cyrus, then Ansel…”

“There’s not exactly an abundance of rest in war, darling. Grief is a luxury I don’t currently have.”

“No, but the rest of us do our damndest to at least work in shifts.”

“Not my first rodeo. Ask your dad.”

“I know that.”

“Just making sure.”

She popped her hip, head cocking to the side in irritation. “How are you? Really.”

My throat tightened, something in her gentle expression setting my eyes on fire. Because the reality was…

I was alone. Carr aside, I didn’t trust my own court. My brother was fucking rogue. And Ansel…

“I thought it would feel better.”

Confusion flickered across those cerulean eyes. “What would?”

“Killing her. I thought somehow I’d tip the scales back—put them where they belonged—and I’d feel better. Like I’d righted an injustice.” Instead, I was hollowed out. More lost than ever. Everything had happened so fast once she laid hands on Cyrus, and I never got answers. Not really. Never got to have it out with the friend-turned-assassin who’d cut my last incarnation short.

“You did right a wrong. You challenged a powerful wielder for the integrity of her people. You forced her into the light because she tortured your mate like collateral.”

Well fought, Val.

I jammed my eyes closed. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the aftermath.

Beyond Cyrus and Cali.

Beyond sitting on her throne.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the feel of her blood on my skin—like it would be there forever—as some shadow of my friend flickered back to life in her eyes.

Tessa gave my hands a little squeeze. I wet my lips, desperately clinging to the last shreds of my dignity as I admitted, “All I can think about when I turn in is that I finally reincarnated beside my family, and I threw it away. And for what? Revenge? Fucking pathetic.”

“Human, Freya. That need for justice is human.”

“Yes, well, in being human, I robbed…” My voice broke, and I coughed to clear it as her face crumpled. “Robbed myself of the one chance I had to be with my dad. To get to know him again. And he sacrificed himself… in lieu of my mate because he saw how much I…” When the words failed, she squeezed my hands again. “Well. Anyways. What’s done is done. But trying to rebalance the scales decimated something sacred, and the more time that passes, the more it feels like I lost Ansel for nothing. Like I lost them both, and Reagan’s dead, and all I hear when I close my eyes is her voice telling me well fought.” A frantic squeak of laughter escaped me. I’d definitely feel that embarrassment later. “So. There. That’s how I’m doing. Happy?”

Tears streamed down her rich amber skin, and she pulled me into her chest. Every muscle locked, but she didn’t relent. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned into the hug, realizing the only people who’d touched me for anything but combat in the last four months were August and Carrson.

So there we stood, just hanging onto each other. In armor. Both strapped with weapons. Both weapons ourselves. But she didn’t let go. I realized how badly I’d needed it—to vomit out my regrets. The contact. The comfort. The friendship.

But as Tessa pulled away, wiping tears off her cheeks, some corner of my mind reminded me that the last woman I’d trusted stabbed me in the back.

Well. Right across the goddamn throat.

Somehow, even knowing that reality, I was so damn tired of going it alone.

As if she could see the struggle written plainly across my face, Tessa cleared her throat. “He’d be proud of you, you know? Ansel. It’s not fucking fair that we got so much time with him, and you got so little. But… he would be so proud of you.” I barely managed a weak nod, but she saved me by adding, “He’d also tell us to get back to work.”

A watery laugh leapt from my throat as I blinked back the tears threatening to spill.

“So. What else was in these letters?”

“Something about preventing his ascension being crucial. Another with coordinates.”