Page 435 of Commanding Scythe and Sky

“Better out than in,” Alec agreed sagely, even as he wrinkled his nose at his sweater, stripping it carefully.

“Got her for a second, Uncle?” Fae asked, but she didn’t wait for me to answer before depositing the baby in my hands.

Some Uncle. I’d barely seen her. Hadn’t wanted to.

I stared for a long minute—at a perfect little round face, white spots over her tiny nose, and eyes the color of emeralds.

Like a blade to the heart, I realized that maybe her middle name hadn’t just been an ode to Ally’s sacrifice, but because somehow, karmically maybe, she looked like her family, especially as her red hair got darker, more like her daddy’s.

“Honey,” Mom half-laughed, half-chastised. “You gotta support her little head.”

It was only then that I realized I was holding my goddaughter like she might detonate. Gritting my teeth, I nodded, bringing her to my chest to wrap an arm beneath her little squirmy body.

“There you go,” Mom encouraged, even as I felt Alec’s concerned gaze on my profile.

“Hey kiddo,” I breathed, staring down at my best friend’s baby.

I’d never held her. Never looked her directly in the face.

Couldn’t bring myself to confront exactly how long I’d been failing Ally.

Even now, the bridge of my nose burned with a vengeance as I palmed her little head. My voice was gravel as I whispered, “Hey, pretty girl.”

Pretty girl. She was. Beautiful. Tiny, blistered, pouty lips. A rosy face that made the term ‘apples of your cheeks’ make sense. A nose just like her mom—delicate, right down to the round little tip. Her ears almost looked like elf ears—squished into a slight point at the top.

“August?”

It was the sound of my mother’s tentative voice that made me realize I was crying. Tears fell onto Winnie’s little pink blanket. Her tiny, fisted hand.

“Sorry,” I choked out as I ran a knuckle over her itty-bitty fingers, feeling like the world was crumbling around me—like I was watching all of us from outside myself. “She’s perfect,” I rasped, more tears falling, unwilling to peel my eyes from her. It wasn’t until I held her that I realized, beyond the timekeeper, Winnie was everything I hadn’t dared to want and now would never get.

Ally and I both knew what this thread held.

Even if I got her back, it wouldn’t be for long.

I would never hold my own daughter. Never look at a baby and see Ally’s features.

It just…

Wasn’t in the threads for us.

“I just… love her,” I said gruffly, finally pulling my gaze from her, breathing deep before blowing out a harsh breath.

“You carry too much, sweet boy,” Iris decided.

“Don’t know what to put down.”

“I know, baby.”

“I can take her?” Fae offered as she padded back into the room on silent feet in a much cleaner sweater. I shook my head.

“Please.” It was all I had—that one word.

I memorized her then, this sweet, innocent little soul that looked like the perfect blend of two of my dearest friends. I wanted so badly to watch this little girl grow up that keeping my distance had been easier than confronting what that meant.

But this was why.

Why we were fighting.