Page 4 of Oh, Christmas Con

“And Tamera’s,” Brittany added.

“And Andie MacDowell’s,” Ashley said.

“Wait,” Chris snapped back to reality. “We’re supposed to be upset with her for being mean. We shouldn’t be comparing her hair to that of national treasure Andie MacDowell’s. So, ItsGonnaBeMaye,” Chris turned to face the camera. “I have one question for you. What’s your problem?”

The audience jeered.

When this interaction was one-sided, Maye had all the comebacks. But now her mouth felt like it was full of cotton balls.

“Every single person here is having a good time except for you,” Chris said. “Why is that?”

“Well,” Maye finally managed to squeak out. “I don’t think what you’re doing is very smart or nice.” She tried to hold her head high, but it was a struggle since she was only capable of talking with a sixth-grade vocabulary.

“Which part?” Chris said. “The part where an audience is having the time of their lives? Or the part where we all had a front-row seat as two people who are madly in love took the beautiful next step in their commitment to each other?”

Maye’s mind raced with thoughts of peer pressure, group dynamics, etcetera, etcetera, but the only thing she could muster in the moment was a faint, “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Chris said as he tilted his head to masterfully communicate genuine sympathy. “We’ve completely put you on the spot here. I just assumed anyone who would be watching along would actually enjoy what we’re doing here. Why are you even watching this livestream if you think we’re not being nice?”

“My cousin, who loves your movies, is there in the room and she tagged me in the chat. I think she was trying to help—” Maye stopped before getting into too much of how her life had been abruptly uprooted. “Tracy thinks it’s fun to include me even though I am not really in on the party. These Christmas convention things and movies, it’s just not really for me.”

Chris looked out over the audience and shouted, “Tracy, where are you?”

“That’s my cousin!” a faint voice shouted. Maye recognized Tracy shouting from the audience immediately. “Hi Maye!”

“Maye, is it?” Chris said as he turned to the camera so he was looking directly at her. His forehead was perfectly creased to communicate a quizzical look while showing off his big blue eyes and perfect smile. A look that he had surely used in plenty of his rom-com movies. “Your cousin says ‘hi,’ Maye.”

“Hi Tracy,” Maye said.

The entire audience turned and offered a collective, “Hi Tracy.”

“Great!” Chris said, sounding playful. “Now we’re all friends. And I believe I speak for everyone on my side of the camera when I say,” he lowered his voice to give direction to the AV crew, “camera guy, push in tight on me for dramatic effect, please.” The view on Maye’s computer screen slowly zoomed in to focus on Chris as he held his earnest looking eyes right on the camera. “Right there, camera guy, thanks.” Maye’s screen focused on Chris from his waist up to his head. “That’s a good mid-shot, right, Marcus?” Chris said, while holding his attention on the camera.

“Looks good, now own it,” Marcus shouted from his seat on the stage.

Chris placed one hand on his hip as he cartoonishly stuck out his neck and scrunched his face into an exaggerated scowl. “Respectfully, Maye, why you gotta be such a scrooge?”

Maye chuckled as the audience echoed Chris’s sentiment. She attempted a lighthearted reaction, but her posture tightened and a wave of heat washed over her. Why is it so hot in here? She thought.

“Okay, so,” she began, “I am a trained psychologist and work with a lot of people who are dealing with relationship issues, such as communication issues, setting and respecting realistic boundaries, and intentional behavior. Frankly, the way that interpersonal and parasocial relationships and behavior are being interchanged here is just…” Maye felt like she had been talking for a long time. She really hadn’t, but compared to the number of words she had previously spoken, this had been a lot. “Look, my cousin Tracy loves these rom-com Christmas movies and loves you and all your actor friends and even people in the audience she has never met before. I am not as into it. When we watch Christmas movies together, she’s enthralled. It doesn’t matter to her that you can see the edge of the snow blanket on the ground and that there is bright green grass right next to it. The actors could turn their coffee cups upside down and she’ll never criticize the lack of liquid. She’ll never question why a downtown gazebo was built over a tectonic plate; all she is concerned about is how the town is going to rebuild the gazebo in the exact same place, in time for Christmas! I, on the other hand, watch these movies and can’t get past the ridiculousness of them. Sure, sometimes they’re cute, and it’s fun to laugh at the silliness, and the cozy towns and naivete can be adorable, but they’re not realistic. And giving people real-life relationship advice based on movie plots is just a bad idea.”

The audience gasped.

“Uh oh, Maye,” Brittany said. “You’re losing the crowd over here.”

“What a lively audience we have,” Chris said. “I think I have an idea, Maye. What if…” Chris let that hang in the air as he looked around conspiratorially. “What if,” he continued, “the two of us took audience questions together then?”

The audience was back on board, but Maye was unsure. This wasn’t the right forum for personal relationship advice, and how could she know if—

“Come on, Maye!” Chris said. “It’ll be fun!”

Maye couldn’t help but smile when she heard Tracy shout from within the audience, “Do it, Maye!”

Chris immediately picked up on the tiny crack in Maye’s resistance. “You’re thinking about it, Maye! I can tell,” he pointed at her through the screen. “You’re considering it, so it’s not a no. How about this? Let’s try one. One audience question, we’ll see how it goes.”

This seemed reasonable, but before Maye could respond one way or the other, Chris had their first audience question lined up.

“Hi, welcome to the show. Please state your name and ask your question.”