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Gabriel nodded. He’d kicked off his shoes and wrestled out of his sweatshirt by the time his brother came back with an ice pack wrapped in a towel.
Nick didn’t say anything, just set it on the counter and started to back out of the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind him.
But the door stopped with a few inches left. “You want me to bring you a cup of coffee?”
Coffee. The scent of it filled the house now, just like the guilt of his parents’ deaths filled Gabriel’s heart until he couldn’t contain it all anymore. The raw emotion clawed at his chest, at his throat, at his eyes, spilling over until he was crying in earnest.
Then Nick had an arm around his back and Gabriel was crying into his brother’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Nicky, I’m sorry.”
And Nick just held him until he ran out of tears, and they were sitting on the bathroom floor, side by side. They’d used to hide in here, when they were younger, usually after pulling a prank on Michael. They’d lock the door and whisper with the lights off, crouching by the bathtub while Michael pounded on the door and yelled for Dad to get a screwdriver.
Now there was barely enough room to sit.
He didn’t want to think about the past, anyway. Gabriel felt like he’d never have the strength to stand up again. To go to school.
To face Layne.
He wondered if she was okay, if the firefighters had put the fire out.
He wondered if she’d ever forgive him.
He wondered if he’d ever forgive himself.
“Want to know a secret?” said Nick, his voice almost casual, as if Gabriel hadn’t just spent fifteen minutes sobbing on his shoulder and spent days living like an outcast. As if nothing had changed, and they were as close as they’d been two weeks ago.
It reminded him of his conversation with Hunter, about how sometimes you were left with no choice but to move forward and do what you would have done anyway.
Still, Gabriel had to take a steadying breath to speak. “You’re filming this for later blackmail?”
“That, and . . .” Nick paused, and his voice took on a new note. “When Becca’s dad caught us and trapped us in that freezer, I was so glad I was in there, and you were out here.”
Gabriel rolled that around in his head for a moment. “Why?”
“Because I knew you’d be strong enough to get us out.”
Gabriel gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah, but not strong enough to keep you from getting caught in the first place.”
“You were strong enough to get away.”
“Jesus Christ, Nick, you don’t think I feel bad enough about that already?”
Nick swung his head around. “Bad? Why do you feel bad about that? You don’t think I feel bad being such a liability all the time? Like it’s not humiliating enough that my brother has been saving my ass since middle school?”
“What are you even talking about?”
“I’m talking about Tyler. Seth. All of them. How every time they’d want to fight, you’d stand up to them and I’d run.”
“Nick . . . you’re crazy. You’d fight ”
“No. When the fighting got dirty, when they meant business, you’d fight.” Nick was looking at the wall now. “You’d fight, and I’d run.”
This was insane. “I’d tell you to run! I was usually running right behind you.”
“Forget it. You’re missing the point.”
“Goddamn, Nick. What is the point?”
