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He didn’t want to think about the past, anyway. Gabriel felt like he’d never have the strength to stand up again. To go to school.
To face Layne.
He wondered if she was okay, if the firefighters had put the fire out.
He wondered if she’d ever forgive him.
He wondered if he’d ever forgive himself.
“Want to know a secret?” said Nick, his voice almost casual, as if Gabriel hadn’t just spent fifteen minutes sobbing on his shoulder and spent days living like an outcast. As if nothing had changed, and they were as close as they’d been two weeks ago.
It reminded him of his conversation with Hunter, about how sometimes you were left with no choice but to move forward and do what you would have done anyway.
Still, Gabriel had to take a steadying breath to speak. “You’re filming this for later blackmail?”
“That, and . . .” Nick paused, and his voice took on a new note. “When Becca’s dad caught us and trapped us in that freezer, I was so glad I was in there, and you were out here.”
Gabriel rolled that around in his head for a moment. “Why?”
“Because I knew you’d be strong enough to get us out.”
Gabriel gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah, but not strong enough to keep you from getting caught in the first place.”
“You were strong enough to get away.”
“Jesus Christ, Nick, you don’t think I feel bad enough about that already?”
Nick swung his head around. “Bad? Why do you feel bad about that? You don’t think I feel bad being such a liability all the time? Like it’s not humiliating enough that my brother has been saving my ass since middle school?”
“What are you even talking about?”
“I’m talking about Tyler. Seth. All of them. How every time they’d want to fight, you’d stand up to them and I’d run.”
“Nick . . . you’re crazy. You’d fight ”
“No. When the fighting got dirty, when they meant business, you’d fight.” Nick was looking at the wall now. “You’d fight, and I’d run.”
This was insane. “I’d tell you to run! I was usually running right behind you.”
“Forget it. You’re missing the point.”
“Goddamn, Nick. What is the point?”
“Shhh.” Nick glanced at the hallway. “You’ll wake Michael, and he’ll have an aneurysm if he sees you like this.”
Gabriel shut up.
Nick looked down at his hands, rubbing at some of the soot that had come off his brother. “Sometimes I wonder if you didn’t let me in on the fire stuff because you knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“That’s not it at all.” Gabriel swallowed. Somehow this was harder than telling Layne his secrets. “I knew you’d make me stop.”
Now Nick was looking at him, hard. “Stop what?”
Gabriel took a deep breath.
And he told Nick everything.
Layne sat on the stretcher in the ER and hugged her arms across her chest. Her parents were right on the other side of the privacy curtain, having a whispered argument.
