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“Yeah, okay.” He paused and picked up his coffee mug, taking a sip so he didn’t have to say anything else. Hunter sat there quietly and didn’t say anything, either.
But it was nice, Nick realized, to sit with someone who knew yet wasn’t openly judging him.
Adam hadn’t judged him, either. Nick felt fresh tears come to his eyes, and he tried to pinch them away.
“Did you guys have a fight?” said Hunter. “You and Adam?”
He hesitated, and sounded embarrassed again. “I heard a little, when you came down the stairs.”
Nick nodded. “When you walked in—I panicked. I didn’t exactly take it well.”
“Man, I am so sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault. It was mine. He left.” He swiped at his eyes again. “Jesus, I wish I could stop f**king crying. So g*y, right?”
Hunter put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do that to yourself, Nick.”
Nick froze. Until Hunter touched him, he hadn’t realized how much he’d expected this revelation to bring about nothing but revulsion.
In a flash, a memory came to him. He was standing at the stove with his mother, learning how to make macaroni and cheese. He had to be eleven or so. She’d put an arm around him and kissed him on the top of the head.
He’d leaned into the contact, and she’d said, “You’re the only one who still lets me do that. My gentle boy.”
He’d let her do it still, if he could. He missed her touch more than anything.
She wouldn’t have judged him. He knew. He could have told her.
He rubbed his hands down his face before his eyes could get ready for a fresh round.
“Are you going to tell Gabriel?” he asked.
“No,” said Hunter. His voice changed and he looked over.
“Do you want me to?”
Well, that was a loaded question.
Nick finally shook his head. “No. You’d seriously keep it a secret?” he said skeptically. “He’s your best friend.”
“I know a lot about keeping secrets,” Hunter said. “And this one isn’t mine to tell. But I know it’s going to tear you up until you let it go.”
Nick knew that. This secret already was tearing him up.
A key pressed into the front door, and Nick jumped. He knew— knew—it was his twin brother. He quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve and took a quick gulp of coffee. He’d run for his room, but he’d never make it up the stairs before Gabriel came in the house.
With a quick flash of fury, he wanted to tell him. He wanted to fling the truth in Gabriel’s face. He wanted to pick a fight, to let this rage and fear and pain pour into something.
choked on his breath. The heat in the room was turning into a bitter chill. He shivered.
Adam’s arms came around him from behind, holding him.
“It’ll be okay.” He brushed a kiss against Nick’s hair. “I promise. It’ll be—”
Nick jerked free and hit him in the chest, shoving him away with a force driven by rage and fear. “It is not okay!”
As soon as he did it, he regretted it. With the light on, he could see every ounce of hurt in Adam’s eyes. Every ounce of disappointment.
Every ounce of anger.
