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He didn’t want to do this.
He didn’t want to do this.
He didn’t want to do this.
And then they were there, in the doorway, and he was going to have to do it.
A thousand words sat on the end of his tongue. He couldn’t speak. If he didn’t speak, it wouldn’t happen.
They looked so young. He could remember them at eleven and twelve, staring at him just like this, silently begging him to make everything all right.
He’d failed. He hadn’t made everything all right.
He couldn’t breathe.
“Jesus, Mike,” Nick said. He pushed past his brothers. “Are you in pain? Chris—get a nurse—”
“No,” said Michael. He choked on the word. “Just—wait.”
Wait. Stay here. If you stay here, I know you’re here and I haven’t failed.
They waited. He tried to breathe. The silence in the room pulsed with unspoken words.
They knew something bad was coming.
With each breath, the pain in his chest began to ease. Michael realized he didn’t need to clutch at the bedrail to keep himself upright. The plastic railing felt slick under his palm.
As soon as Michael realized what was happening, he wanted his brother to undo it. He wanted to rip out his stitches and break his ribs. He wanted the pain.
He met Nick’s eyes. “Stop, Nick.” His voice almost broke. “Stop.”
“I’m being careful. They won’t know.”
“Stop. Please. Just—stop.”
“Okay,” said Nick. His eyes had turned wary. And afraid. “Why?”
“I need—” He had to take another breath, and this one hurt for a reason that had nothing to do with his injuries. “I need—”
He couldn’t even finish that sentence.
I need to tell you something.
I need you to forgive me.
I need you to know I never wanted this to happen.
Gabriel finally spoke, but he kept his voice down. “What the hell is going on here, Michael? Are they arresting you? Is that why there are cops in the hallway?”
Michael shook his head. Part of him wished that was why.
There were cops in the hallway in case his brothers resisted. Or in case he did.
Nick glanced at the doorway. “Close the door.”
“No,” said Michael. “They’ll open it. Just—wait. Sit down. Wait.”
There weren’t enough chairs, but Nick and Gabriel sat, while Chris leaned against the small table beside the bed.
