Page 57 of Until We Come Home

The lie tastes bitter before it even leaves my mouth, leaving a hollow ache behind because I know how false it is. But I push the words out anyway, burying the terrifying truth back down in a drawer where it can't ruin everything.

“Okay.” Something in his face eases. “Well, nearly drowning in the lake today really puts things in perspective, Mia. I want to ask for another chance with us.”

Tonight is spiraling into a total disaster, and this heavy conversation is the last thing my scrambled brain can handle right now. Where's Lark with a fake emergency when I actually need her?

“Derek,” I try again, backing away a step. “I don’t think tonight is the right moment for⁠—”

“I mean it, Mia,” he insists, stepping into my space. “I love you. We’ve always had a great dynamic. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Mateo, but I know we belong together. We understand each other. Today made me realize I was being foolish. I ended things with that girl in LA—we weren’t exclusive anyway, but it’s always you I drift back to.”

I stand frozen on the porch, biting the inside of my cheek. He reaches out and curves a hand around my hip, drawing me in until there's no room left between us, and I go rigid, unable to pull back. My mind is screaming for an exit, yet my body just stands there letting it happen.

Do I push him away and run straight down to the water, risking everything on Mateo when we're guaranteed to implode because I can't match his grand forever expectations? Mateo is intense. When he loves, he's all in, no half measures, and he deserves someone who can give him that same complete devotion.

I've never let anyone in that deep. I'm not even sure I have it in me. He's the most important person in my world, and if I cross that line and it falls apart, I lose my best friend too. I can't picture a future where he isn't in my life.

“And look, I get it,” he says. “We’ve been apart for months. You two are close, and you’ve been up here with him all summer. Stuff happens. I don’t care who you fuck when we’re apart, as long as you come home to me at the end of it.”

His other hand comes up to my face, his fingers moving along my jaw, tucking my hair back behind my ear the way he’s done a hundred times. There was a time, not even that long ago, when I would have been halfway to the bed already, when that speech would have felt like freedom. No strings, no jealousy, no one keeping score. Derek never once asked where I’d been, and I used to think that was the sexiest thing about him.

Right now, pressed up against him with his hand on my back, all I can think is, why don’t you care?

Mateo would care. Mateo would fucking lose his mind. The thought of me with someone else, of me coming back to him afterward like it was nothing, he would never in a million years let that slide. I know that the way I know my own name, and it’s doing something to me that Derek’s hands can’t.

He draws back just enough to look down at me with those earnest eyes, his hand still cupped against my cheek, his other hand making slow, familiar patterns against the small of my back.

“I was worried about you and him today,” he says, quieter. “I really was.”

“You were worried about us?” I blink up at him, thrown. “What does that mean?”

“Well.” He lifts one shoulder, his hand still settled on my waist, and leans back a little to read my face. “Just that it could get messy. Normally we keep the side stuff a bit more surface-level than that. I don’t want him to hurt you at all.”

A spike of anger goes straight up my spine. “Mateo would never hurt me, so I don’t know what the hell you think you’re saying.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says, frowning. “But he’s a really intense guy, Mia. He’s got a lot of dark baggage. That’s all, I’m just saying be careful.”

I step back out of his arms, and his hand falls away from my face.

“First of all, don’t talk about his history when you don’t know the first thing about it. Also, Mateo is a great man. He’d walk through fire for the people he loves.” My voice is climbing and I don’t bother bringing it down. “And for God’s sake, Derek, he saved your life today. So don’t come up here and try to make him into something to be scared of!”

I’m shaking with it now, furious at Derek for having the nerve, furious at Mateo for tearing into me on that dock, even though I’d be lying if I said half of me didn’t want to run straight back down there to him anyway, and most of all furious at myself for standing on this porch with no idea what I actually want. What a fucking mess.

“I know that, and I’m grateful to him,” he says quickly, holding his hands up. “He’s a great guy and I wish him the best. Really, I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just trying to say that what you and I have is lighter. I don’t want to see you get hurt or lose a friendship. And I think you and I... I mean, we’re going to get back together eventually, right? We always do.”

“Just stop, I really need some time to think,” I say, frustration sharpening my tone as I step entirely out of his reach. “Please just go. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

Irritation sweeps through me. He gives me a confused look, thrown by how quickly the conversation derailed, like he walked up here with a plan and can’t figure out where it went sideways. Then he nods once and turns to head back down the path, and I stand in the doorway and watch his flashlight bob through the trees until it’s gone.

I shut the cabin door, turn off the lamp, and lie down on the bed in my clothes, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out how everything got so out of control.

CHAPTER 15

Mateo

Theo’s taken over the camp stove by the picnic tables, whipping up a batch of scrambled eggs in the cool morning air. I only had a couple of sips of whiskey last night, but my head is pounding like I’ve been hit by a truck.

An emotional hangover, most likely. Mia teased me about those once, after she dragged a bad mood out of me over the phone. She told me Scorpios feel everything straight to the bone and never shake it off quick, and she cheerfully let me know that as a Sagittarius with Leo rising, she’d never had an emotional hangover in her life and didn’t plan to start. I remember it making me laugh anyway, since she’s so impossible to stay in a bad mood around.

I look toward the grass where she’s standing. We’ve spent the morning keeping our distance, trading nothing beyond strained pleasantries, and in the clear light of day, I can’t stop replaying every cruel thing I snapped at her down on the dock, wincing at how badly I lost my temper.