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He chuckled. “I wouldn’t call the SATs thrilling, tesoro. I’m just ready to get it over with. I need to fill out applications, so we need to figure out where we’re going . . . especially if I’m gonna try to play football. California? New York? Camelot? Emerald City? Take your pick.”
She had no idea where half of those places were. “I don’t know.”
“Well, think about it, okay? But not today. Today’s for celebrating, not thinking. Look at where you were a year ago and look at you now. You’re free, you have a degree, and we’re in love and gonna make it through this shit even if it kills us.” He paused, his brow furrowing as she laughed. “Yeah, that didn’t make sense, but you get what I’m saying. We haven’t had a reason to celebrate in a while, so come on, get up, put on some decent clothes, and let’s forget about all of this for a while and be. We don’t get to just be enough.”
She glanced down at the black pants and Durante High School football shirt she wore. “What’s wrong with my clothes?”
“Everything I said and all you got from that is me telling you to change?” he asked with amusement, pulling her to her feet. “Change. Clothes, not you. I don’t want you to ever change, but I’m kinda tired of looking at that fucking shirt.”
“I like this shirt,” she said defensively, his laughter filtering back in as he left the room.
45
Haven stayed busy during the days when Carmine was at school, but it was difficult for her not to dwell on things when alone. Guilt continued to gnaw away at her.
She awoke the third Saturday in September as Carmine got out of the shower. She lay still in bed and watched him as he tried his best not to disturb her. He stood in front of the closet, and even in the semidarkened room, she could make out the definition of his back muscles and the lines of his tattoos. His skin glowed in the faint light filtering in from the open bathroom door, mesmerizing her. Even his scar shimmied as he absentmindedly rubbed it.
If there was one image of Carmine DeMarco she never wanted to forget, it was this one—him exposed and vulnerable, sneaking around his own bedroom in the dark. It was something few would ever see, but it was an image she couldn’t bear to lose. Most people knew the selfish young boy, spoiled and irresponsible, but she was lucky enough to see Carmine for who he truly was. Completely stripped down to the core, a gentle soul despite his scarred exterior.
The quiet contentment he oozed when he thought no one was watching took her breath away. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and just the fact that, after everything, he could still stand in front of her as he was spoke volumes.
He sighed and slipped on some clothes before grabbing a pair of Nikes from his closet. He kicked the corner of the bed as he walked by and cursed profusely under his breath. Haven tried to stifle her laughter but failed, his head snapping in her direction when he heard her.
“How long have you been awake?” he asked, sitting down to slip on the shoes.
“A few minutes.”
“And you were what, watching me get dressed?” He playfully nudged her with his elbow. She blushed, hoping he couldn’t see it in the darkness, but nothing escaped his notice. “Yeah, you were.”
“I couldn’t help it. You’re too beautiful not to watch.”
“And you’re half-asleep and don’t know what the fuck you’re saying.” He kissed her as he stood. “I have to go or I’m gonna be late for this fucking test.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks, tesoro. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
She listened as his footsteps descended the stairs, an odd feeling overcoming her. It felt like all the happiness had been sucked from the room.
* * *
Haven had made her way down to the kitchen and poured a glass of juice when a door closed somewhere on the first floor. She tensed instinctively as footsteps started in her direction. Relax, she told herself. It’s only Dr. DeMarco.
“Good morning,” he said when he walked in.
It was the most he had spoken to her in days. “Morning, sir.”
He appeared disheveled, dark circles under his eyes. He was worn down by life, and Haven wondered, as she gazed at him, how much of that she’d caused.
“I’m leaving for Chicago. Do you need anything before I go?”
The Mazda was in the body shop getting fixed, so Carmine had been driving the Audi around. “I’m fine, thank you.”
Dr. DeMarco departed a few minutes later, while Haven spent the morning dusting the same things she dusted every other day that week. It was sometime after eleven, and she was cleaning out the pantry when a vehicle pulled up outside. Walking to the window, Haven gazed out at the unfamiliar blue car in the driveway.
The driver’s side door opened, and Jen, the nurse from the hospital, stepped out. Haven headed for the foyer, but the sound of the doorbell ringing stopped her dead in her tracks. Something about it sent a chill down her spine, coldness radiating through her so quickly she thought she would be sick.
Something wasn’t right. She could feel it.
