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“Don’t be scared,” he said. “I was desperate, baby. I needed to know you were alive, and now that you’re safe, I can’t regret it.”
“You’re not making sense.”
“I’m not surprised,” he said, letting go of her hand. “I have to go.”
“Go?”
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be long. We’ll talk when I get back, but I can’t be late.”
“You can’t be late for what? Tell me what you did, Carmine!”
“I went to Sal, okay? Is that what you fucking wanna know? I asked him to help me, so now I owe him in return.”
She stared at him, fighting back her panic. “Owe him what?”
“My loyalty.”
She sat up, grimacing from her sudden movement. “Take it back!”
“I can’t,” he said. “It’s too late.”
“But you can’t do that! You can’t be like them! You can’t do those things they do. We talked about this before!”
“Do you think I wanna be that person? That I wanna do those things? Of course I don’t!”
“Then why’d you do it? How could you agree to that?”
“I didn’t have a choice. I get it if you’re upset, but it’s done.”
He stared at her imploringly, begging her to understand, but she couldn’t in the moment. She averted her gaze when he reached over to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “We always have a choice.”
His touch was gentle and should have been comforting, but it wasn’t enough to extinguish her fears.
“Look, it’s gonna be okay,” he said. “Nothing’s changed.”
Her heart ached to believe his words, but she wasn’t naïve. Not anymore. It was a life of crime, a world of violence where danger constantly forced its way in. It was a world that turned men cold and cynical as they did unspeakable things she couldn’t fathom. It was a world that had taken both of their mamas and had nearly killed them, too. It was a world they had tried to escape, but one that sucked them in, anyway.
hing her jaw, she fought back the cry that threatened to come out as she rolled onto her side, the needle in her arm pulling when she reached toward Carmine. She hesitated an inch from his face, not wanting to disturb him, before running her fingertips along the bridge of his nose. There was a small bump that hadn’t existed before, and she knew firsthand where something like that came from.
Carmine stirred, grumbling incoherently before his eyes drifted open. He jumped, nearly falling off the bed as she quickly pulled her hand away.
“Shit, you’re awake!” he said. A smile spread across her face at the sound of his voice. She fought back her emotion, but it was too much to handle. Tears flowed down her cheeks, and he wiped them away. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Wait, of course you’re hurt!”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” he said. “You’re hurt, tesoro. Do you know how much you scared me? I thought I was gonna lose you! When I woke up in that car and you were gone, I thought my life was over. But I swore I’d never give up, and I didn’t. I couldn’t think about going on if you were dead.”
“I’m not dead,” she said through her tears.
“Yes, but—”
“No buts,” she interrupted. “I thought I was going to lose you, too. I begged them to leave you alone in the car.”
“You begged them?”
“They were going to kill you.” Her voice cracked as the memory resurfaced. “I told them I’d go with them, that I wouldn’t fight as long as they let you live. I would’ve given up anything.”
“You would’ve sacrificed yourself for me?” he asked, his expression serious. “You’d throw your life away if it meant I’d keep mine?”
