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Because Carmine’s thoughts were about as calm as a fucking hurricane.
When they had landed, Corrado had asked him where he wanted to go. Not thinking, Carmine muttered the lone word home. He had meant Durante, back where he yearned to be, but his uncle took him literally.
And an hour later, he stood in front of the house he grew up in, his soaked feet refusing to budge. A chill ran the length of him as a car sped by, hitting a small puddle and spraying his back with filthy frigid water. He immediately took a big step forward, out of the way, and shook his head as he moved onto the sidewalk.
“Quit being such a pussy,” he muttered to himself, reaching into his pocket for the key his father had given him. “It’s just a fucking house.”
o;Enough!”
Corrado started toward them from the kitchen. He shoved Dominic away, physically coming between the two brothers.
“He doesn’t know what he’s saying,” Carmine spat.
“Me? You’re the one fucking up!”
“I said enough! Neither of you know what you’re talking about! Are you boys so dumb that you can’t grasp the concept of cause and effect?”
Dominic scoffed. “This isn’t just some unfortunate side effect.”
“Yes, it is,” Corrado said. “It doesn’t matter what Carmine does—Haven will always have choices taken from her. I’ve taken choices from her! It can’t be helped! Certain things were determined the moment she was conceived and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that. You can’t rewrite history!”
The commotion drew Celia’s attention. She slowly descended the stairs to the foyer, carrying her luggage. Her eyes scanned the room, frowning when she saw Carmine’s things on the floor.
“All of us are forced to sacrifice,” Corrado continued, turning to Dominic, staring at him pointedly. “And isn’t this how most breakups go? One walks away while the other has no say. Or are you insinuating Carmine has no right to end the relationship? Isn’t that hypocritical, given your rant? The fact is, Carmine isn’t deciding Haven’s future. Carmine’s deciding his own.”
He turned to Carmine, the anger in his expression staggering. “And you need to grow a backbone. You’ve been sitting here all morning feeling sorry for yourself, and it’s wearing on my nerves. You either go back up those stairs or you walk out that front door, but there will be no more wavering in between. You belong in Chicago now, so be a man and do what’s expected of you. Either take her along or don’t, Carmine. She’s going to lose something regardless. The only question that remains is what she loses.”
The foyer grew quiet as everyone stared at Carmine, whose stomach churned with nerves. “I can’t bring her to Chicago. Those people fucked up her life enough.”
Dominic threw his hands up in exasperation as Corrado nodded. “Then pull yourself together and meet me in the car in five minutes. If you aren’t there, I will come back in here for you, and I assure you—you don’t want that to happen.”
Corrado pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door, motioning for Celia to follow him. She smiled sadly at her brother before giving Dominic a quick hug, merely casting Carmine a look as she followed her husband outside.
Carmine took a deep breath and glanced at his father as he reached into his pocket for his keys. He took the key for the house in Chicago off before holding the rest of them out. “Give my car to Haven. She’s gonna need one. If she doesn’t want to keep it she can sell it or trade it in or fucking burn it, whatever she wants to do. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Carmine grabbed his bag, leaving the smashed guitar laying on the floor, and turned for the front door. He came face-to-face with his brother as he blocked his path. “Don’t expect me to be there for you when you fall apart,” Dominic said, nostrils flaring. “The only thing you’ll ever hear from me is I told you so.”
* * *
Haven peeled her eyes open and glanced at the clock, surprised to see it read noon. A chill ran through her and her throat ached as she tried to clear it, an uncomfortable tickle deep inside her chest. She clung to the blanket for warmth, covering her nude body as she looked around.
No sign of Carmine anywhere.
Begrudgingly climbing out of bed, Haven took a hot shower before dressing in some comfortable clothes, feeling worse and worse as time trickled past. Her head started pounding, her eyes burning and body sore. Although she shivered, unable to get warm, her skin felt hot to the touch, like flames coursed through her bloodstream.
She spotted a piece of paper laying on Carmine’s pillow and eyed it suspiciously, seeing her name written across the front. That feeling Haven had fought hard to push back the night before hit her again. Picking up the paper, her hands shook as she opened it, seeing it was a letter written in Carmine’s messy scrawl.
Haven,
FDR said freedom couldn’t be bestowed, it had to be achieved. I think I was in fifth grade when I heard about him, and I remember being pissed because I didn’t see the point in learning history when it was over. I was an ignorant little shit, but I guess that’s the point. I took a lot for granted in life and didn’t appreciate the little things—things you missed out on. It’s not okay what happened to you, and it’s only from knowing you that I understand that. I wish more people could see it. More people need to see you. Maybe then the world wouldn’t be such a fucked-up place.
I should’ve known telling you that you were free wouldn’t make you so. Freedom has to be achieved, and that’s exactly what you have to do, tesoro. You have to go out there and achieve that shit. You have the world at your fingertips, a life waiting for you full of opportunities you can’t have if you stay with me. And I know they’re dreams you want, dreams you’ve always had, and you shouldn’t sacrifice them for me. You’ve sacrificed enough of your life because of selfish motherfuckers, and I’m not that selfish . . . not anymore. You made sure of that.
By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I can’t stay here. It’s not fair to you, and I’d never forgive myself for denying you a real life. A life away from all of this bullshit, where you can just be Haven. Go be you and not what people tried to make you. You have to go show those motherfuckers what they’ve been missing by not knowing you. Show them they can’t hold my girl down.
And don’t you be fucking scared. You’re ready for the world, Haven, and it’s been waiting eighteen years for you. Don’t make that shit wait any longer.
Carmine
