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I shook my head, confused by the desperate edge in his voice. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
“Because you don’t even know how fucking vulnerable you make yourself sometimes,” he said, his volume rising. “One second. That’s all it takes. Yesterday, when I got home from my trip, I saw you running in the goddamned dark with your iPod cranked up. A guy on the corner was catcalling you and took a photo with his phone, and you didn’t even notice.”
“What?”
“That phone is no longer in working order, believe me. But it took everything I had not to haul you right off the street.”
I shuddered at the thought of someone photographing me. “I’m usually more aware than that.”
“No. You’re not. You know how many times I’ve seen you walking through the parking lot at night with your phone to your ear or your earbuds in? You have no awareness of your surroundings.”
I stared at him. “You’ve watched me in the parking lot? What the hell?”
“See, you don’t even realize that for the last few months, we get home around the same time each day. I could be two steps behind you, and you wouldn’t notice. I could grab you, and you wouldn’t even have time to scream.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, not sure how to handle this version of him. “You’re freaking me out, Foster.”
“Good,” he said, stepping close. “I need you to be scared enough to start looking out for yourself.”
“Now hold up,” I said, his tone pushing all my go-to-hell buttons. “I’m not a child, so don’t talk to me like I’m one. I’ve managed just fine without some guy telling me what to do for a long time now. You’re not my dad.”
He crowded into my space, energy rolling off him. “No, I’m not. But I am in charge until you tell me otherwise. And I’m ordering you to stop being so careless. Going forward, if I catch you disregarding your safety, I will make sure you never forget that rule again.”
I put my hands against his chest to stop him from coming closer, unable to think straight when he was so near. “You’re being a jerk.”
“I’m trying to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection, all right? I can watch out for myself.”
“Cela,” he said, his tone dangerously low.
“No. I agreed to try this with you because you taking charge with sex is exciting. I like that. But I didn’t freaking agree to be talked to like I’m some dumb kid who shouldn’t play outside alone.”
His frown deepened, his gaze pinning me. “Then maybe I wasn’t clear. I take this seriously, Cela. If you’re going to be with me, that means you’re my responsibility. To pleasure, to push you to your edge, sure, but also to keep you safe, to take care of you.”
Tears of frustration burned in my throat, and my fists clenched against his shirt. “Goddammit, Foster, don’t mess this up already. I don’t need a caretaker. I’ve got enough people in my life trying to do that. I only want to be with you. Can’t we just do that? Be together?”
He sighed, putting his hands over my fists. “I can be flexible with a lot. But not this.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“Well, how about we both get one unreasonable thing each? My protectiveness can be mine.”
His hands were warm around mine, and his gaze had softened. I huffed, annoyed that the one simple look could dim my ire. “I don’t have anything to be unreasonable about.”
His mouth lifted at the side, his head tilting. “Oh, so your jealousy of women I was with before I even knew you is totally rational?”
I sniffed. “Totally.”
“Uh-huh,” he said grinning fully as he released my fists and wrapped his arms around me.
My body surrendered to his embrace even though I was still stewing on the inside. “I’m not going to live my life scared.”
“I’m not asking you to. I only need you to be more aware.” His thumb was stroking my tailbone now, and I hated that I didn’t want to move out of his hold. “I’ve seen a lot of ugly stories with bad outcomes in my life, angel.”
“Your sister,” I said quietly.
“Not just her.”
