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The feeling was as loud a warning as he could get.
Be careful with this one, Austin. Be real careful.
You can’t keep her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Am I out of my ever-loving mind?” Kelsey asked, balancing her cell phone between her shoulder and ear while reclining in the window seat in Wyatt’s kitchen and trying to keep her voice from echoing through the cavernous space.
“It’s five thirty in the morning, Kels,” Brynn said with a groan. “I thought you had an emergency or something.”
“This is an emergency.” She glanced at the entryway, verifying she was still alone. “I’m going to be leaving in a few hours for this trip, and I think I’m losing it. How in the hell is anyone going to believe I’m really some rich chick? Or that I’m actually dating someone like Wyatt?”
“Why wouldn’t you date someone like Wyatt? From everything I’ve heard from Reid and Jace, Wyatt’s a good guy. Smart and level-headed.”
She blew a wisp of hair off her forehead. “Exactly. The kind of guy who never dates girls like me. I just know I’m going to slip up and do or say something that waves a big white trash flag.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I’m serious.” Kelsey leaned her head back against the windowsill. “I’m going to fuck this up.”
“You are not—hold on.” There was a rustling of what Kelsey assumed were bedsheets on the other end and then a grumbled Where you going so early, sugar? from her sister’s fiancé, Reid. After a quick, muffled exchange, Brynn came back on the line. “Okay, I’m awake now. I think. And I don’t want to hear you calling yourself trash. Where we came from is not who we are now. You know that. And money is just that—money. It doesn’t make the crowd you’re going to be with any better than you. All you need to do is stay by Wyatt’s side. People will believe you’re together if you act like you’re into him.”
Kelsey sighed and barely resisted tapping her head against the wall. “I don’t have to act that part. I am into him. I slept with him. Am sleeping with him.”
“You’re what?” Brynn asked in hushed surprise.
Kelsey watched a squirrel scamper through the wet grass outside, knowing she probably shouldn’t say anything but not wanting to keep something from her sister. She’d told Brynn enough lies in her lifetime already. “I didn’t tell you all of the agreement.”
“Uh-oh. Lay it on me.”
Kelsey explained quickly what she’d signed up for. Brynn, a submissive herself, wouldn’t need many details to know exactly how big of a deal this was for Kelsey.
The line was silent for a few long moments, and Kelsey wondered if the call had dropped, but then her sister cleared her throat. “Kels, you know I’ll never be one to judge anyone in this arena. Heaven knows I’m in a glass house in that respect. But are you sure you’re ready for such an intense experience? I don’t want you—did you talk to Melody about this?”
“Yes. Of course, she wasn’t a hundred percent behind the idea, but said it was my call if I felt strong enough to handle it.” Kelsey had been seeing Melody, a therapist at the women’s crisis center where Brynn worked, once a week for the last year. “She wants me to keep a daily journal of my moods and wants me to call her and check in every few days. And if anything triggers me, she wants me to call her immediately.”
Brynn released a long breath. “This is risky, Kels.”
“You think this is going to make me slip up, don’t you?” she asked, voicing her own fears. After last night, she felt more off balance than she had in months—like walking down a long pier with broken boards, never knowing when one was going to snap. The disorienting state of surrendering under Wyatt’s dominance had a constant hum of panic vibrating through her. Every time she’d tried to hold on to to some safety rope of control last night, he’d ripped it right out of her hands and sent her into free fall. And though she’d sworn she wouldn’t ever breathe a word of it, she’d found herself trusting him with the ugliest piece of her past. God, how had that come tumbling out?
“Of course not, honey,” Brynn answered, her voice all empathy and big-sisterness. “You’re stronger than you think. But I also know what it can be like to be emotionally stripped down by a skilled dom. The first time I was with Reid after I got back together with him, it triggered a monster of a panic attack. I know you don’t get those like I used to, but you never know when a scene might bring scary shit back to the surface. And beyond stirring up the trauma, it can also create a false sense of intimacy and security with the dom, make them look like a savior.”
“Is that your therapist way of telling me not to mistake good sex for love?”
“It can be an easy trap to stumble into,” she said gently. “And D/s only makes that trapdoor harder to see.”
And it’d been a mistake Kelsey had made before—not with D/s but with every relationship she’d ever been in. Her history of falling too fast and for the wrong guys stretched out behind her like streamers of regrets flapping in the wind. “Wyatt’s not looking for a relationship and neither am I. We both know when this thing will end.”
Kelsey could almost hear her sister’s frown over the phone. “Just take care of yourself, Kels. If at any point you feel like it’s too much or you find yourself wanting to slip back into old habits, you call me. I don’t care what time. I’ll get on a plane and come and get you. Nothing and no one is worth going backward over. You’ve come too far.”
She nodded, though it was to an empty room. “Okay.”
In that moment, she hated how fragile she felt, how on the brink her life always seemed. She shouldn’t even have to worry about this. Most people were tough enough to deal with what life gave them. Brynn had been one of Davis’s victims as a teenager and had lived the same childhood Kelsey had—maybe worse because she’d been the oldest and responsible for herself, their alcoholic mother, and Kelsey—and look how Brynn had turned out. A great career. A loving relationship. No addictions. No fear that any wrong move would land her on junkie row.
Kelsey was tired of living her life on an electrified high wire. She wanted to be able to try new things and take risks without the worry that she’d fall victim to her past or her weaknesses again. Maybe if nothing else, this trip with Wyatt could help her prove to herself that she was capable of dealing, that she wasn’t a slave to her history.
The only terrifying part was . . . what if she was wrong? What if the craving to get numb came back? She wasn’t sure she could climb out of that pit again if she fell back in.
