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Evan groaned. “And y’all wonder why I didn’t tell you yet.”
But she was smiling and her eyes were bright, so no matter what happened, at least Evan was starting to see the truth.
They were hers. And nothing was going to change that.
Chapter 7
Evan stared out into the wilderness as the sun set, the first flakes of snow starting to fall. There was already a soft, powdery layer on the ground, and the pure white silence enveloped her. She cupped her hands around her hot chocolate and leaned back in the rocking chair. The temperature was in the teens, but she was dressed warmly and couldn’t resist the quiet beauty. It wasn’t enough to look at it through the windows. This spot on the cabin’s screened-in porch was perfect.
Jace and Andre had told her they’d clean up after dinner and had suggested she read by the fire, but the siren call of the snow had been too much. Growing up in Texas meant that the only snow she’d seen had been fleeting. And she hadn’t grown up with the money to go on winter vacations. So this was a luxury she wasn’t taking for granted. Plus, the bracing cold eased her nerves, making her feel more aware and alive.
The guys had been so great earlier, when they’d found out about the possible pregnancy, that she should be relieved. And she was. But the fear of the unknown still hovered. She couldn’t help but worry that the guys were being so supportive simply because they were good men. Good men would try to soothe their woman’s nerves. She still didn’t know if they’d really be on board with a baby if they’d been given a choice. Yes, they’d face the new situation if it was forced on them, but what did they want in their heart of hearts? Was a baby what either had envisioned in their future? Maybe Andre. But Jace didn’t even believe in marriage. She couldn’t imagine he was ready to sign up for fatherhood.
She took a long sip of her cocoa, letting the warmth spread through her. Was a baby what she envisioned in her future? She had never allowed her mind to fully go there. And when she did let her mind drift there now, fears waited in the wings, ready to pounce.
Pregnancy didn’t scare her. She’d been through that. But what about the after? Last time she’d had a horrible bout of postpartum depression. Part of it had been the trauma of placing the baby for adoption. There was nothing like seeing this life you created, feeling that connection, and then signing papers that terminated any rights you had to that child. She still got a stab of pain when she thought about that day, even though it had been the right decision. She wouldn’t have been able to do right by Dahlia back then. But she also knew that dark period after was partly because her chemistry was susceptible to depression.
She’d worked hard to get herself off her medications. She felt stronger now. But what if having a baby stirred all that up again? What if she wasn’t good at being a mom? She’d never really been a baby person. She took photos of them all the time and enjoyed that. But she also had an awkwardness when the moms would let her hold their children. It didn’t come naturally to her like it did to some women. What if that didn’t go away when she had her own?
Ugh. Why couldn’t she stop ruminating over all this stuff? There was a 97 percent chance that she was not pregna
nt. She would take the test in a few days and when it confirmed no pregnancy, she’d feel ridiculous for wasting this much time worrying. Then she, Jace, and Andre could sit down and have a practical conversation about what they wanted for their future. They could be rational and weigh pros and cons and get everyone’s feelings out in the open. They could make a decision about what the future would hold based on logic—not on her hormones or biological clock, which apparently had a pendulum that swung wide these days, dragging her back and forth between desperately wishing she was pregnant to freaking out at the thought.
She hated feeling this off-balance with her emotions. One minute she wanted to smile; the next she wanted to burst into tears. It was making her feel crazy.
Enough. She knew what she needed—distraction. Two great, big, sexy distractions. That’s why she’d agreed to this trip, and now she needed to act on it. The guys were probably planning on taking it easy tonight on her behalf. They’d already alluded to being tired after the trip—which was bullshit. Those two were never too tired for sex. Plus, they were in Grant’s decked-out cabin, for God’s sake. It had to be stuffed to the gills with kinky equipment.
They may not let her ski, but she’d be damned if they were going to call off the rest of whatever they had planned for her this week.
She pushed to her feet, took one last look at the beautiful view, then went back inside. The warmth smacked her in the face, making her aware of just how cold she’d gotten, and she set her cocoa mug on the kitchen counter. All the dishes were put away and only the light over the stove was on, so the boys had finished up. Why hadn’t they come to get her?
Annoyed, she pulled off her coat, hat, and boots, then headed toward the cozy living room. The slate tiles were warm beneath her socks, the heating system apparently run by pipes of heated water beneath the floors, and more warmth greeted her when she stepped into the living room. Andre was bent in front of the large fireplace, putting another log in, and Jace had his back to her as he scanned an open cabinet of DVDs.
She cleared her throat and they both turned her way. Andre smiled, the flicker of the fire making shadows dance across his face. “Hey there, snow bunny. We thought you’d abandoned us to become an Eskimo.”
“I told you’d I’d be outside.”
“We didn’t think you’d last longer than ten minutes. It’s fucking frigid out there,” Jace said. “We were about to come and get you to defrost you. Want to help pick out a movie?”
“A movie? Seriously?” She crossed her arms. “I know y’all didn’t drag me all the way out here to the mountains to watch movies.”
Jace frowned and he flicked a stray blond hair away from his forehead. “What do you mean? We’re here to relax.”
So this was how they were going to play it? They didn’t know if there was a baby for sure and things were already changing. If she hadn’t told them, she had no doubt that she’d be suspended from the ceiling by rope or something equally exciting by now. And obviously, if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t take risks that could harm her or the baby. They’d have to modify how they played together, but hell if she was going to let them drop that part of their relationship.
“Y’all are really putting me in a position to have to top from the bottom right now,” she said, giving them each a don’t-make-me-go-there look.
Andre stood and brushed his hands off on his jeans. “What do you mean, bella?”
She held out her arms. “Come on. We’re on the plane, playing a hot kidnapping game, both of you promising all kinds of filthy things. Then I tell you I could be pregnant, and you want to roast marshmallows and watch a movie? I’m all for doing that at some point this week. But we have a beautiful cabin and no one else around and no work. And just for the record, I may be pregnant, yes, but I’m not made of glass. Plus, I don’t want to spend the night thinking, thinking, thinking. I want to spend it not thinking. I want to spend it not thinking with you.”
Andre’s lips twitched like he was fighting a smile. “Is this your way of telling us you’re horny?”
“Dammit. Yes. Now stop acting like you’re scared to touch me.”
Jace smirked. “We have a very mouthy, sub, Andre.”
“Yes, she’s wildly out of line. But really adorable when she’s pink-nosed and pissed. Kind of hard to resist that.”
