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She laughed and shoved his arm. “Watch it, smart ass.”
He held up his hands. “I’m just saying. I’d take one—or two—for the team on your behalf.”
“Such a self-sacrificing assistant.”
He put his hand over his heart. “Always. But seriously, you should take a break. Go grab a nap on the couch in the back or something. I can run through the last set of photos for you. I’ve flipped through the others. I know the look you’re aiming for with them.”
She leaned back in her chair and stretched. Normally, she had trouble relinquishing control on this part of the process, even though she could trust Finn with it. He had a great eye. Plus, he wasn’t an intern anymore and deserved his chance at more important tasks. “Yeah, I’m actually going to take you up on that. Maybe if I can rest my eyes for a few minutes, it’ll refresh me. I promised I’d have these pictures done by the time the couple gets back from their honeymoon next week.”
Finn traded spots with her in the chair and smiled. “We’ll have them done way before that. Now go. I’ve got this.”
She gave his shoulder a squeeze and headed toward the small storage room in the back that they’d converted into a makeshift break room. She flicked off the overhead fluorescent and adjusted the blinds on the small window so that only a little of the afternoon light filtered in. Already she could feel her body giving itself over to the idea of rest. The phone rang in the front of the studio, but she resisted the urge to head back up there to grab it. Finn was capable. She went to the old radio they’d put on one of the shelves and turned it to the local light rock station, hoping that would block out any noises from up front.
Elton John’s “Sacrifice” filtered through the room, and Evan headed over to the plush couch she’d splurged on at an estate sale. She settled onto the soft cushions and tucked a throw pillow behind her head. If she could grab half an hour of sleep, she’d probably be good to go for the rest of the day. She’d overbooked herself lately. And though she’d protested that she was fine to Jace and Andre when they’d brought it up the morning after the wedding, she had to admit that it was wearing her down. Maybe she could clear some time at the end of the month and take a few days off.
She rolled onto her side, trying to get in a comfortable position, when the song on the radio ended and the news and weather break came on. She listened with half an ear as the weather guy talked about the cold front rolling through in the next few days and the possibility of thundersleet—which had to be the best word she’d heard all week—and was almost asleep when the news started. Some football player arrested for drunk driving, the price of gas going up again, and . . .
“. . . A batch of the most popular brand of birth control pills is being recalled nationwide. The manufacturer of Brelia says—”
Evan’s eyes popped open.
“. . . did not contain active hormones. A class action suit will surely be forthcoming . . .”
She sat straight up, her heart rocketing up to her throat. The newscaster moved on to something else, but Evan didn’t hear any of it. All she could hear pounding through her head was the name of her birth control pills and the words “did not contain.” Oh, God. She clamped her hand over her mouth, afraid her heart might hop right out.
She hadn’t heard the dates of the batches affected, but she was already doing math in her head. She didn’t know when her period was technically due because she took the kind of pills that let you have periods only four times a year. Her last period had been two months ago. But she was still on track as far as she knew. She shouldn’t panic. Her batch might not be affected. But trying to tell herself that was like trying to stop a jet from lifting off after it was already zooming down the runway. She knew the signs of pregnancy. She’d been through it once before. And though it was a very long time ago, she remembered one thing with crystal clarity—how bone tired she’d been in the early months. But she’d also suffered a lot of morning sickness. And though she’d felt sick that night after the wedding, she hadn’t had any more nausea since that night.
She took a deep breath and rubbed her palms on her thighs, trying to get herself together. Freaking out wasn’t going to help anything. But she found herself rocking in place anyway. Dammit. She shook out her arms, trying to clear the nerves and adrenaline out of her muscles, but she couldn’t stave off the anxiety. Her situation now was so different from the last time, but her brain only had one trained response to a pregnancy scare—utter freaking panic.
And though she wasn’t a teenager without a penny to her name like last time, she also wasn’t under the impression that this was good timing. She, Jace, and Andre were still figuring out how things were supposed to work in their relationship. Kids had been one topic they’d all agreed to defer. It was the most complicated of all the issues with their arrangement. First, she didn’t know if the either of the guys wanted kids. Hell, she didn’t know if she wanted kids. And how would that even work? Beyond the obvious—figuring out who was the biological dad and how that would play into the relationship dynamic—they had a decidedly un-kid-friendly lifestyle. They lived in a loft above Jace’s sex toy shop. They spent their weekends at a BDSM resort. And they lived in one of the most conservative areas in the country, where a kid from a family with three parents would surely get some scrutiny.
God. Evan put her face in her hands and took another few deep breaths. She couldn’t play this what-if game yet. This might be a false alarm. Maybe everything was fine.
For some reason, that thought didn’t make her feel any better.
She forced herself to stand and turn off the radio. There was only one way to deal with this. She’d get a pregnancy test and find out. Simple as that. If she was pregnant, she’d handle it. She was a grown woman. And though she didn’t know if the guys were on board with having kids, they weren’t going to bail on her. They were too good to do that to her. Still, she dreaded the thought of laying such an unexpected thing in their laps. Whether they wanted it to or not, it would affect the relationship, if not break it apart entirely.
Her stomach rolled.
No. She needed to stop with the racing thoughts. Focus. Drugstore. Pregnancy test. Home. That’s all she should be thinking about right now.
She headed back to the front of the studio, making some excuse about not feeling well to Finn, and told him to close up whenever he was done. He looked concerned but told her he’d take care of everything.
Evan didn’t remember getting to the drugstore or picking up the two different kinds of pregnancy tests. She’d gone into numb, robotic mode. But by the time she arrived home, her heart was knocking so hard against her ribs, she worried she might pass out.
She tucked the drugstore bag in her purse in case either of the guys was home and opened the door. Luckily, she’d beat both of them there. She hurried into the bathroom and followed the instructions, the wand trembling in her hands. How she hit the target at all was a wonder. But by some miracle she managed not to drop the damn thing in the toilet.
Then she waited, perched on the edge of the bathtub, watching the little window with unblinking eyes. Five minutes seemed like an eternity. Whole lifetimes passed as she sat there alone in the bathroom, staring. So many thoughts and scenarios went through her, her head swam.
Please God. Please God. Please. But praying offered no help.
When the symbol finally appeared, she sagged to the floor and cried.
Chapter 4
Jace moved on quiet feet around the loft, gathering the things he needed and tucking them into the bags he’d laid out on the floor. Andre and Evan were still asleep in the other room, but they’d be waking up soon. And though he’d planned to wait another few days, when he’d seen how Evan looked when he got home yesterday, he knew he had to get this show on the road. She’d waved him off when he’d asked her if everything was okay, but he knew there was more to it than simply having had a long day. There’d been a melancholy about her. And when they’d all gone to bed that night, she’d barely talked to them before rolling over and falling asleep.
Something was going on. The worry that had been burgeoning before was now a heavy, sharp-edged rock in his gut. What if Evan’s depression was coming back? When they were teenagers, he’d seen how bad it could get for her. Or what if she wasn’t happy with the decision to be with him and Andre? What if they were failing her in some way?
