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color, could remember how dark all those shades went when he’d been perched above her in bed. She shifted in the seat. “You’re already in it. Kind of late to ask.”
“How about I ask for forgiveness instead of permission, then?”
She blew out a breath, knowing he wasn’t talking about the seat. “You have nothing to ask forgiveness for, Pike.”
He shifted his body to face her more fully, dipping his head so that none of the kids nearby would overhear. “That’s not true. It wasn’t right to storm out on you, especially not when you were so upset. It was a dick move. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I said some things I shouldn’t have, too. We were both freaking out in our own way.”
His gaze held hers, searching. “How are you doing now?”
“Dealing. Working a lot of double shifts.”
Lines appeared around his mouth, his jaw tightening. “You don’t need to do that, Oakley. You know that if this happens, anything you need financially, I’ll cover.”
“I know,” she said, not doubting that he would do just that. “But that’s not why I’m working so much. It helps keep my mind clear, and I can only sleep if I’m completely exhausted.”
He sighed and put his hand on the seat between them, next to hers but not quite touching. “You don’t have to deal with it all alone, you know? You can call me. It’s not like I’m not constantly thinking about it, too.”
“Thanks, but talking about it is not going to do any good. What’s going to be is going to be. I’d rather not think about it until I know what I’m dealing with.”
“So you’re of the block-it-out-and-deny school of thought?” he asked, his mouth hitching up at the corner.
“Totally.”
“And how’s that working, Ms. Insomniac?”
“I’m not currently in the fetal position, rocking in a corner, so I’d say pretty well.”
His amused expression fell at that, concern filling his gaze. “Baby …”
“Don’t.” She closed her eyes, her emotions riding dangerously close to the surface. “I can’t.”
His hand moved over hers, a gentle press of his fingers against hers. “I want to be there with you when you take the test.”
“Pike …”
“Don’t shut me out of this, Oakley.” His fingers tightened around hers. “This impacts both of our lives. We should both be there.”
She inhaled a deep breath, working to tuck her emotions back underneath the rug. She couldn’t lose it here on the bus. One screw loosened and everything was going to spill out. But she also knew it wasn’t fair to cut Pike out of things. If there was a child, it was his as much as it was hers. If he wanted to be a part of this journey, he had that right to be.
She slipped her hand from beneath his and tucked hers in her lap. When she opened her eyes, she dragged her calm mask back into place. “I’m planning on doing it next Saturday. First thing in the morning is supposed to be best.”
“I’ll be there.”
She peered over at him. “And then what, Pike?”
He ran a hand over the back of his head, Mr. Unflappable finally showing a chink in his armor. “Then I guess we’ll figure things out from there.”
“You can still walk away,” she said quietly. “I won’t hold it against you.”
His jaw twitched and he stared toward the front of the bus. “Then you need to raise your standards of what you expect from a guy.”
The comment landed square, and her defenses rose. “Low expectations are better than getting blindsided later.”
He looked at her then, his gaze burning into hers, but his voice was soft when he spoke. “I’m not him, Oakley. And you shouldn’t let me be. You deserve better than that.”
She rubbed her lips together, her patched-together facade fraying at the edges again. “I don’t know what better looks like, Pike.”
