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“I don’t have to be in until late tonight,” Nate said. “Blaine was going to hang out for a while. Are you cooking?”
“Uh . . .” Originally, Marin had planned on fixing pasta tonight, but now she had other things that were more urgent. And a date. Well, no, not a date. Sex. She had sex planned. Sex with Donovan West. Oh, God. Or maybe she didn’t. She really had no idea how much or how little would happen tonight. She’d thought she’d gotten control of the situation, and then Donovan had shot all that to hell. He’d wrested back the steering wheel with smooth grace and dirty words, taking control over her body and the plan. But either way, she had no idea what to tell Nate. They hadn’t gone down this road before.
“Earth to Mar,” he said. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Um, oh yeah, sorry. There are pizza coupons somewhere in this stack of mail. I’ll leave you money, and y’all can order what you want. I . . . I’m going out tonight.”
There, that was vague enough.
Nate’s eyebrows crept up. “You’re going out? Like out?”
Marin brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Yes. Alert the media. Woman goes somewhere other than home or work.”
Blaine smiled Nathan’s way. “Pizza sounds great. Thanks, Dr. Rush.”
But Nate didn’t seem to hear her. He was still staring at Marin like she’d announced she was venturing to Mars for the evening. “Is it with a guy?”
Marin rifled through the mail and found the sheet of pizza coupons, pretending not to hear Nate’s question. She tugged them out of the stack and set them on the table in front of him. “I’ve heard this place is good. Local joint. Good prices.”
“Ohmigod, their pizza is the best,” Blaine said. “They have a seafood pizza with this white sauce that is uh-mazing.”
Marin appreciated the girl’s attempt at getting Nate out of interrogator mode. Nate was still giving Marin a weird look but didn’t ask his question again. “Yeah, thanks. Pizza works.”
“Great.” Marin left them to it, not wanting to field any more looks from Nate, and went upstairs. Five minutes into her shower, she had her head tipped back against the wall and her body coasting down from the almost instantaneous orgasm. She hadn’t needed a toy. Her fingers and Donovan’s words replaying in her head had been enough. And though she’d been taken aback that he’d instructed her to do it, this had been a good idea. She was so keyed up that she wouldn’t have been able to function tonight. But the quick release was like eating an appetizer when you really wanted a seven-course meal. It curbed the immediate need but in the long run, it’d only made her hungrier.
But as her body came down from the high and she washed her hair, reality started to settle in. Doubts hot on its heels. Her sex brain had cleared, and now she was forced to look at this rationally. She was fooling around with a co-worker. She was about to start a sexual relationship with him—albeit a temporary one. Things could go so very wrong. They could get caught. They could create issues in their working relationship. She could
. . . get attached.
No. She rinsed her hair, climbed out of the shower, and toweled off. She was not going to worry about that last one. She’d asked for him to be himself with her, and she was going to grant him the same. Getting a little attached was probably going to be part of the deal for her. That’s how she was wired. So what. She’d had feelings for him the last time and had survived walking away. What had made it so intense and real was that she hadn’t locked that down. If she wanted to shut off emotion from this, she could’ve taken his offer of doing the list and let him be Mr. Smooth Playboy with her. That held no appeal.
This would end in a month. She’d set that up. But she wasn’t going to focus on the end. You don’t go on vacation only to fixate on what it’s going to be like when you return to work. You open up and enjoy every moment while you’re there.
She’d waited a long time and was damn well going to enjoy this. She wasn’t looking for love or a serious relationship. She wanted her feet solidly under her, Nate off to school, and a long-term job before she could even think about looking to date someone in that capacity. Plus, love is what had always gotten her mother in trouble. Men had been the most effective way to derail her mom. Things would be going okay, and then her mom would fall for some guy and lose sight of everything else. It’d be great for a while and then the dude would leave or cheat or some drama, and her mother would completely fall apart. Her mom always bet on forever. The manic side of her full of unchecked hope. Each guy was going to be the answer—The One. Until he wasn’t.
Maybe Donovan had been right about the danger of that concept after all. Her mom pinned her hopes on The One and then crashed when it didn’t come to fruition. Each time was a fresh tragedy. That’s what her mom had been going through before she’d killed herself. She’d snapped over some guy. Some random guy who Marin had never even met.
The thought of losing herself like that over anyone scared the shit out of her. She could see how it could happen. That rush she got today with Donovan was potent—a drug mainlined right into her system. But you can’t tie your ship to another floating thing. It could sink and take you down with it. She didn’t need that. Wouldn’t risk it. But being with someone she enjoyed spending time with, someone who could be a lover and a friend? That was damn appealing. She could share the ocean with him without throwing down anchor.
Her phone buzzed against the bathroom counter as she was finishing up. She grabbed it and wiped steam from the screen, finding a text from Donovan.
Donovan: Take the walking path along the trees instead of the main road. House with black shutters is mine. Knock on the back door. Secret code word will be sent in invisible ink. This text will self-destruct in 5, 4 . . .
She smiled, relieved that he wasn’t taking this too seriously, and her thumbs moved over the screen.
Marin: What? No ladder to your window? My Joey is very disappointed in your Dawson.
Donovan: There is also no creek or potential love triangle. #DawsonFail.
Marin: Not sure if I’m impressed or scared that you caught that random pop culture reference.
Donovan: I was in HS when that show was big. What’s your excuse?
Marin: Caught a marathon when I had the flu a few yrs ago. Promptly became obsessed.
Donovan: As you do. #TeamPacey
She laughed, the ridiculous exchange easing some of her nerves.
