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Right now, I only want to sleep.
I slide the key in the lock and open the room. The walls are brownish beige and it has a queen bed with white sheets and a dark brown blanket.
I take a quick shower and put on a fresh pair of shorts and a soft t-shirt – fine, his t-shirt. I think it smells like him: musky and like blueberry pie. It covers me down to mid-thigh and sags around my shoulders and chest.
Even though I have more food than I can handle, I still decide to go to the vending machine I saw at the end of the hallway.
Only, the stupid machine is broken.
I stab at the buttons but nothing happens.
Glaring at it, I mutter, “You stupid piece of shit.”
Then I growl and shake it.
“I want my fucking Twix, you idiot.”
I kick at it for good measure.
“I don’t think you get candy that way.”
That voice makes me spin to my right even as I lose coordination in my limbs. I almost fall on the machine I’ve been abusing when I see him.
“You…” I breathe out, looking at him like he’s a ghost.
Am I dreaming?
Did I fall asleep at the wheel? Or maybe I’m in that motel bed right now.
“Hey.”
His rumbly voice makes me feel plenty awake, however.
Super, hyper awake. Like I can hear all the sounds, the buzzing of the overhead light, the low tones of television somewhere.
“What... how... you’ve been following me all day,” I manage to say while my eyes can’t stop gorging on him.
It feels like ages even though I only saw him this morning. In the same clothes.
Except, those clothes are even more rumpled. His sleeves are folded up to his elbows, exposing his tan forearms and his tattoo. His shoes are mud-caked and so are his pants. Don’t even talk about the wrinkled shirt and messy collar.
“Yeah.”
He’s doing the same, gorging on me. His eyes going up and down, sweeping across my wet hair that’s plopping droplets on the floor carpet and soaking the back of the t-shirt that I have on.
His t-shirt.
I grab the hem of it and he notices my nervous twisting. Lifting his lashes, he rasps, “Looks good on you.”
I swallow, remembering how he gave it to me. “Is that why you picked it out?”
There’s no venom in my voice but he still flinches.
“I picked it out because even then, I wanted you to have something of mine. Only, I’m realizing it now.”
His words have always given me a rush. Sadly, a few miles of distance haven’t changed that. I don’t think even light years could change it.
I feel the first flaps of the butterflies in my tummy and it’s very inconvenient when I’m trying to maintain my distance.
“How did you even know where I was?”
“Maggie.”
“What?”
“She told me you were going north. There’s just one highway out of our town and you drive really slow.”
“I don’t drive slow,” I blurt out, the first thing that I can latch on to so I can somehow break the intensity swimming in his eyes.
I don’t.
The intensity is still there when he answers, like he’s aware of how I’m trying to just talk nonsense to diffuse this tension between us.
“Okay. Everybody else is just faster then.”
“I’ll have you know… that…” I clear my throat and tuck a wet strand behind my ears. “I’ve gotten tons of speeding tickets, okay? I used to be a menace on the south side.”
His lips twitch at my asinine comment. “I don’t doubt it.”
How many times have I kissed that twitch in the past?
In fact, up until last week, I was kissing every inch of his skin.
What the fuck happened? Why are we standing so far apart?
Right.
Because I told him I loved him and he told me that I was pathetic.
“Why were you following me?”
“So you don’t have to be alone,” he replies in a grave voice with equally grave eyes.
“Alone?”
“Yeah.” I watch his Adam’s apple bobbing. “So you’d know at least one person no matter where you go. And at least that person would know your name.”
My extremities, my toes and fingers, they curl. The weight of his statement is too much. It invokes too many memories.
The night I jumped in the water for him.
Seems like another lifetime. I was so brave, so reckless.
I thought nothing could harm my love, only to realize one thing could.
Him.
He could hurt it. The guy I’m in love with.
Sighing sharply, I say, “So what? You’re going to follow me wherever I go?”
“That’s the plan.”
Zach says it so casually that it makes me mad. “It’s a stupid plan.”
“Well, it’s the only one I’ve got.”
“Look —”
“I know how it feels, Blue.” His passionate voice cuts me off. “To be alone in a place, a big, unknown place, where no one knows you. It fucks with your head. It makes you cynical and hard. It makes you think that no matter where you go, who you meet, you’ll always be lonely. It makes you miss home something fierce. It makes you feel like you’ll never find a place where you belong. I’m not gonna let that happen to you. You’re too sweet for that. Too good and shiny. I’m not gonna leave you alone in a world that’s cruel and messed up.”
