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Not only because I’m a huge fan but also because Zach and Cleo belong to my hometown, Princetown, where I lived before moving to St. Mary’s.
Arrow never showed any interest in going at all though.
Not until one day he surprised me with the tickets.
But I honestly didn’t think he had done it for our anniversary.
“I thought the dates were a coincidence. You never said anything,” I say in a breathy, awed voice.
“It’s called a surprise.”
Tears sting my eyes. “You surprised me. For our anniversary.”
A lopsided smile appears on his lips even as a grave emotion takes hold of his features. “Well, we haven’t spent much time together in the past couple of months. Because of my practices and things.”
That’s true.
The season is still on – they have the last championship game next week – and so he’s been really busy with soccer practice. Another reason why I thought he wouldn’t remember.
Plus I’ve been busy with my own stuff.
Yeah, I’ve got stuff now. Namely, college.
It’s a little weird. I never thought I’d go to college. But then I never thought that I’d play on an actual soccer team at that school and I do that as well.
After the summer program at the youth academy, I decided to stay in California with Arrow. Obviously.
We got a great apartment and I worked for a while at a nearby café while I decided what to do with my life. College wasn’t on my radar until my friends from St. Mary’s told me to give it a shot.
Arrow was supportive as well and I was like, why not.
My mother had left me with a college fund and I had the best guy in the world to tutor me if I ever needed it, and so I started college earlier this year.
It’s a lot of work and along with Arrow’s practices and hectic travel schedule, sometimes it’s hard to find any free time.
But I understand.
Even though we get busy at times, I know we love each other.
I know it when I leave him sexy notes all over the apartment and he always replies back. I know it when he writes me sweet little poems and sticks them in my textbooks for me to find later.
When we have impromptu picnics on our living room floor because we don’t have the time to go out to a restaurant or to the movies. When he comes home exhausted and we simply cuddle on the couch in silence before falling asleep.
I know.
“But it’s okay. I don’t –”
“And I forgot,” he cuts me off. “Last year. But I didn’t want to forget again. I didn’t…”
I cradle his jaw. “Hey, it’s okay. I know you’re busy. I know you forget things. But I don’t mind. I don’t, Arrow. It’s okay. You’re just trying to figure things out. We both are.”
He is.
God, is he trying.
Just because he’s accepted that he wants more from life doesn’t mean it has been a fun change.
Some days are easy for him. Some days Arrow remembers that he doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. He doesn’t need to constantly prove himself.
But there are hard days too.
When he’s on edge, on the warpath. When he gets this urge, this anxious, jittery feeling to work himself to the ground.
On those days, I remind him that he’s my Arrow now. The guy I’m in love with, and he’s perfect the way he is. I remind him that he doesn’t need to be what they told him that he should be.
He should be himself.
Dr. Lola Bernstein helps as well. He still sees her but mostly they have Skype sessions since she lives in the east and we’re here in California.
He also talks to his mom, trying to build a new relationship if possible. They talk about his dad a lot, about how he was before he died. I think he’s just trying to figure out his father, whose dream he was pursuing with such focus. He’s trying to figure out if his dad was really the man that his mother portrayed or was there more to him than the wish to play for the European League.
In the meantime, European League is on hold for Arrow.
He’s only focusing on his game here and trying to take it easy.
“Things with us, with me, haven’t been easy,” he says, the lines of his features harsh and tight. “I never thought I could… live like this. That I could be someone. Someone else. Myself. I never thought I could feel so much. And for the past two years, that’s what I’ve done. I’ve felt. And felt and Jesus Christ, it’s fucking fantastic. My heart, I can hear it. I can feel the rush in my blood when you touch me. I can feel my breaths stopping and jacking up when I look at you. And when you smile…” He takes in my lips again and a puff of breath escapes him. “My chest hurts. It aches and I know that I have to kiss you or I’ll explode.”
