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Eli motions to the hard-on bulging from behind my briefs. “So I’ve gathered. Put that thing away before you poke someone’s eye out.” He barges past me into the room and scowls at my briefs again. “Jesus, Savage. Seriously. Think about drowning puppies or something.” He strides toward the bathroom. “Are you alone in here, Player?”

“Yeah.”

Ignoring my reply, he peeks into the bathroom to see for himself.

“Why ask me, then?” I mutter, flopping into an armchair. I’m not surprised Eli wants independent corroboration of my answer. As Eli has said many times, he doesn’t consider me a “reliable narrator” on my best day, let alone after a night of hard partying with my best friends.

When he returns to me from the bathroom, he looks furious with me.

“What’s wrong with you?” he yells. “You signed the contract on Thursday morning and turned around and breached it on Friday night?”

“I didn’t breach it,” I assure him. “All I did last night was—"

“I know exactly what you did! And so do the producers! Savage, you know how paranoid they are about avoiding scandals with their judges this season, big or small, thanks to The Hugh Debacle. They told you, repeatedly, in writing and verbally, they want you to be a Boy Scout for the entire season.”

“And I will be. Shooting begins on Monday. Don’t worry. I didn’t do anything bad. It was all in good fun."

“I know everything you did!” he shouts. “And you wanna know how? Because you stupidly threw Kai’s birthday party in the pool area of a busy hotel—where any guest of the party, and any guest of the hotel, or any employee of the hotel, could see your antics—and by that I mean your naked swan dive into the swimming pool!—and snap as many photos and videos of you in action as they pleased. Which is exactly what a whole lot of them did!”

I chuckle. “It’s fine. It’s nothing the world hasn’t already seen. I’ve told you about ‘Birthday Truth or Dare,’ right? It’s harmless fun.”

“Not harmless!” he shouts, practically pulling out his dark hair with frustration. “You signed a multi-million-dollar contract that included a strict morality clause. And a day and a half later, a screen shot of your dick is, yet again, trending on Twitter!”

I put my palms together in prayer. “At number one?”

“Fucking hell, Savage!” he shouts, his dark eyes bugging out. “This isn’t funny! The producers called me an hour ago, wanting to terminate your contract.”

Well, that gets my attention. “Because of a little full-frontal nudity?”

“That, and the fact that they don’t trust you as far as they can throw you. You made promises that you’ve totally disregarded. It’s a family show! And Hugh has sullied their brand. They need to know they can trust you—that they can control you. What was one of the most important rules they impressed upon you at the meeting? No more going viral for all the wrong reasons!”

My pulse is racing now. “Shit. I didn’t think they’d care if I added a couple more shots to my internet dick pic collection. It’s part of my branding by now, don’t you think? Might even help the show, I’d think.”

He shakes his head, looking like he wants to slap me. “I hate you right now. You made a promise—a four-million-dollar promise—and now they think you’ve broken it. It’s as simple as that.”

I take a deep breath and rub my forehead. “Okay. I get where they’re coming from, I guess. How about we give them a call and I apologize? I’ll tell them I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”

“Oh, we’re way past that now, fuckwit. You have no idea how much shucking and jiving I had to do this morning to keep them from immediately announcing your termination.” He takes a deep breath. “Thankfully, I think I’ve got them sold on an idea to make lemonade out of last night’s lemons. They’ve given me until five today to deliver on my idea, or else you’re toast.”

My chest suddenly feels tight. “Whatever you have to do, you need to fix this for me, Eli.”

“I’m trying, Savage. But you’re gonna need to work with me.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Don’t you dare use that word with me. It’s meaningless.”

“No, it’s not. Yes, I was stupid last night. But I totally get it now. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you should.” I sigh. “I didn’t want to tell you this yet, but . . . I signed a contract to buy that house yesterday.”

Eli looks flabbergasted. “The house for Mimi?”

I nod.

“Savage, no. I told you no!”

“I know. But I had to do it. Who knows when or if it’ll ever come on the market again? I wanted Mimi to have it. You know we’re running out of time.”

Eli looks sympathetic. “Please, tell me you haven’t told Mimi about the house yet, so you can back out, if I can’t fix things with the show.”

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