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I sat in the opposite corner of the couch, my knees pulled to my chest, several feet in between us, but his warmth somehow traveled all the way to me and wrapped me in an invisible blanket.
When I didn’t answer, he looked away from his hands and stared at me.
It’d been a week since our conversation, and yes, I’d spent most of my free time thinking about it.
“I want you to know that I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
I couldn’t say the same, but I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. He was the one who dumped me the day after he slept with me for the first time.
“It’s fine if you don’t have an answer. If you need more time, I’ll keep waiting. I’ll wait…forever.” He held my gaze for a while, and when no response was forthcoming, he turned away.
“I guess…I’m just scared.”
He turned back to me.
“Ever since we met, there’s been this pain in my heart because I’ve always known, from the beginning, that you were what I wanted. The more I got to know you, the worse it became. And then when I finally got you, even before that, I knew that I wanted to spend my life with you.”
My confession didn’t spark a reaction from him, even though that would probably weird out most men.
“You could argue I felt that way about Vince too, but after you…” I shook my head. “It’s not the same at all. It’s a really vulnerable place to be in, to love someone with your whole heart, to fantasize about marriage and kids…when he’s already broken your heart. I love my job because of the work we do, but I also love it because I get to spend my entire day taking care of the man I’m hopelessly and stupidly in love with.” I didn’t hold anything back anymore. I didn’t care if I looked pathetic and desperate. He’d already dumped me, so what was the harm? “I’m afraid if I let you in again…you’ll go back to her someday.”
“No.”
“You might have a change of heart—”
“Never.” His brown eyes commanded my attention. “When she told me she made a mistake and wanted to be with me, you know what popped into my head? You. And that was the end. Marriage and kids are not on my mind at all right now. I gotta be honest about that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want those things when we finally get a chance to be together, to be happy, to give each other happiness. And if that’s how you really feel, then I don’t see what other choice you have. You’ve got to give me another chance.”
I believed every word he said, but I still couldn’t do it. I’d been broken by two men in the span of just a couple months. I wanted normalcy. I wanted security. I wanted to feel safe. “I need some more time to think about it.”
The same look of disappointment filled his gaze like last time, but he covered it up as quickly as he could. “Sure…whatever you need.”
I let the housekeeper into his penthouse and then set the mail on the counter. I opened his mail and paid his bills so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. I sat at the dining table and took care of the water, electric, his cable service, and a couple other subscriptions. I took pictures of every check I wrote and sent it in an email to him so he would have everything on file.
Berta did her cleaning in the kitchen, and I rested my feet on the bottom rung of the chair so she could sweep underneath me. When she grabbed the garbage to take it out, the plastic ripped, and everything spilled out everywhere. “Shit…at least he doesn’t eat soup.” She chuckled then went to grab another bag before she picked up everything.
I glanced at the mess before I got back to work.
But then I realized something.
My eyes shifted back to the garbage—and I saw the picture frame.
The glass was cracked, and there was a stain on the photograph now.
Berta pulled it out of the pile and took a look at it. “Do you think he meant to throw this away?” She looked at the front and the back, as if there would be instructions.
It was like a weight lifted off my chest, seeing that frame in the garbage. In the back of my mind, I wondered where he’d stored it in his apartment, if it was in the rear of the closet like it’d been at his place in Brooklyn, if it was in his nightstand. I never invaded his privacy and took a look myself because that would just be wrong, but I’d always wondered…did he still have it? Now I knew. “Yeah, I think he did.”
