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“What are you thinking about?”
I didn’t realize how long I’d been quiet. “Sicily.”
“She seems to be okay with all of this, which is a huge testament to her character. Most people don’t want to be with a single parent, to deal with a kid who’s not theirs, but she’s along for the ride.”
“Yeah. I can tell it’s a little hard for her, but she’s getting better.”
“Hard how?”
“I don’t think it’s necessarily because I have a kid, but the fact that I have him with Catherine, and…it’s just a reminder, you know?”
He nodded in understanding.
“But it’ll get easier in time. I can tell she’s smitten with Ryan.”
“Can’t blame her.” He gave a smile. “That is one handsome boy.”
I grinned with pride. “Why, thank you. I bet it’s driving Derek crazy that he’s not the only one with cute kids anymore.”
Dad chuckled. “I think he’s fine with it.”
“He acts like it, but I know he’s not.”
“Despite our success, we are not a competitive family, Dex.”
“That’s what you think…”
Sicily carried the bags into the guest bedroom, where my suitcases were open on top of the bed. “Okay, I got everything on the list, and extra, extra bug spray.” She opened the shopping bag and started to pack everything inside. “That should be everything.”
“What about your stuff?” I came beside her.
“Oh…it’s at my apartment.”
“Why wouldn’t you bring it here?” I asked. “We leave at the same time.”
“I didn’t think about that. We’ll figure it out later.” She packed everything inside until there was nothing left but the empty bags and a receipt at the bottom of one. I glanced at it and scanned the items. “You only bought one of everything.”
“Because I already have my stuff. You know, can only carry so much at once.” She closed the top and zipped each one up. “All you need to do is pack your extra clothes, and you should be set.” She left the room and headed back into the living room.
I followed her. “Baby?”
“Hmm?” She turned around and regarded me, looking at me like everything was fine.
But it didn’t feel fine. “I feel like there’s something wrong. It’s been that way for a few days.”
“I’ve just been really stressed out about this trip and juggling all my other responsibilities, and now there’s also Ryan that we have to incorporate… It’s just a lot.”
Those were all reasonable explanations, but it still didn’t assuage my concerns. “Are you sure? Because something just feels…off.”
“Yes.” She turned away again. “Should we get dinner started? I’m starving.”
I went by Catherine’s apartment after work so I could spend time with Ryan. My schedule was too hectic to keep him overnight, so this would have to do. When I returned from my trip, I still wouldn’t be able to see him for a while because I didn’t want to expose him to anything I might carry.
I sat with him on the floor, watching him crawl around and grab blocks and dinosaurs before he presented them to me.
Catherine joined me, watching our son between us. “Two weeks?”
I nodded. “I tried to get out of it, but it was too short notice.”
“Why would you try to get out of it?”
I looked at Ryan. “Him.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to leave him. Every time you take him away, I feel like I might die.”
“I feel the same way.”
“Well, be careful. I know they’ll take care of you, but you never know.”
“I’ll be fine, Catherine.” I’d never really cared about my personal safety until now. Now, I had a little person who depended on me, whose life would be deeply impacted if I didn’t make it back. Now it seemed a little irresponsible that I was leaving.
“Sicily is going with you?”
“Yeah. She’s my shadow.” Everywhere I went, she was right behind me. Everything I needed, it was in her hand the second I needed it.
Catherine stared at Ryan.
I watched her for a moment. “I appreciate the way you’ve handled Sicily. I know it’s probably hard to see her with me and know that she’s spending time with Ryan when I’m spending time with him. It means a lot to me that you’ve made it work.” I knew she wasn’t warm or remotely kind, but at least she accepted it in her stony silence. That was better than nothing. “When you have someone, I will be just as supportive.” I didn’t like the idea of some guy being a stepfather to my kid, but I’d be mature and deal with it.
She turned her gaze on me and stared for a long time.
“What?”
She looked away again and shook her head. “Nothing.”
My family came over for pizza as a going-away party.
We had a good time, but when it started to get late, they said goodbye so I could get some sleep before our flight.
Mom held me for a long time and squeezed me tight. “Please be careful, Dex.” She pulled away and gave me that mom look. “I admire what you’re doing so much, but please, take care of yourself.”
