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She gave a slight smile, looking at him gratefully. “The shame won’t ever go away.”
“It’s not your shame to bear.”
She stared at him, as if confused. It turned him inside out to see her so upset. “You’re torturing yourself with memories.”
“Because it’s there all the time, it’s part of me.”
“You’ll leave it behind, eventually. You won’t feel obliged to carry it any more.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I carried my father’s burden for too long. I’m finally freeing myself of it.”
“His burden?”
“Me and Sean, we took his fists for years. He put his burden onto us, or tried to. It’s only now, years later, I realized he probably wasn’t any the lighter for it.”
She nodded, grasping his hand.
“It’s the same with you. It’ll always be a part of you, it makes you who you are, and you...” Unable to resist, he cupped her face in his hands. “…you’re so lovable.”
She gave a half smile, but didn’t look totally convinced. “She swore us to silence when she hitched up with your dad. She doesn’t want him to ever find out. God it’s been such a burden, I was so afraid it’d slip at some point.”
“I don’t think he knew, not back then. But maybe she’s ‘fessed up now that they’re alone together and away from it all.”
“Your dad’s good for her. She lightened up when he came along. Considerably.” A choked laugh escaped her.
“My dad tried drugs too, but nothing heavy. It kind of makes sense though, of why they were drawn to each other, doesn’t it?” He moved his hand, stroking her hair where it lay over her shoulder in a damp tangled plait.
“What about Rowan and Draco?” Draco never referenced drugs, and steered well clear when they were on offer. Now Rory knew why. Rowan was definitely more grounded than Sky. Was this why?
“They’d already moved in with Nan. I had to go too, once Mum wasn’t there to argue about it. Child protection took me off her. We could have gone back once she got clean, but she didn’t fight for us, not for a couple of years. Then she expected us all to act like nothing ever happened.”
It stunned him to think this was under the surface of the odd untied family they’d had for a few months there, back in Wales. Perhaps some of the tension in the house was from the pressure of the secret, not just the odd set up. For some reason, it took a weight off him.
“By the time we went back to her,” she continued, “there were other scandals to gossip about and it took the spotlight off of us. Then I went to college in Bangor. One of the tutors had gone to school with my mum though, so he knew all about it. When I answered him back over something petty, he told me I was like her and would never come to anything. I lashed out at him, gave him a pretty good black eye for an eighteen year old nearly a foot shorter than him.” Her lips quirked. “They chucked me out.” She shrugged. “Once I turned nineteen I made the decision to get away, really get away, and make myself a new life.” She blinked, and sighed, then looked deep into my eyes. “But now I’ve told you and its here with us, all that stuff I tried to leave behind….are you shocked?”
“You expect it, but I’m not. I’m glad you shared. You let me see Sky Vaughn and now I understand this tough independent girl a bit more.”
“I’m all those things because I had to be.”
“Of course. I understand.”
“I’m ashamed.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your shame to bear.”
She didn’t look convinced.
“Sky, my dad used to beat us. He was so angry about mum’s disease he took it out on us. I have shame in my past too, but we’re our own people now, and we’re stronger because of it.” He was just about to move away and grab his tea cup when she reached out and grabbed his hand.
“Is this what they call a heart-to-heart?” She gave him a hopeful smile.
Her fingers meshed with his as she asked the question.
He stared at her upturned face and for a moment he couldn’t respond. The physical contact was too good, and the question was almost too direct—but it hit him oddly. A sense of identification had grown between them, that’s what it was. He’d said a little about his secret before, just enough, now more. Hers had now been uncovered. He was pleased, but he was also scared he’d say the wrong thing. Then she smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and the tension in his gut began to unravel.
“I guess it is.” He felt so close to her, and this time it didn’t make him want to back off. Far from it. He drew her fingers to his mouth, kissed them, and then leaned down to kiss her mouth. Her soft lips parted under his, inviting him in, and when she wrapped her free hand around the back of his head and drew him closer still, physical need built quickly inside me.
