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She laughed at the old Brady reference, she couldn’t help it. It used to make them all laugh. Her mum had made them watch the DVDs, showing them they were like those two families shoved together in that way. They were nothing like them, but the joke held even more resonance because they all had greenish eyes, not all the same—in fact hers were more hazel until she was in bright sunlight, when they appeared true green—but it was about the only thing that made them look like they were actually related.
“It was better, of course it was, but deep down he still had that violent streak, and he used to pick on Rory because he was the easier target. I learned how to fist fight from my dad, because I had to stand up for both of us. It’s hard to hit back at your own father, believe me…”
He paused, and she could see it was haunted by it.
“…but he made it easier for me by being the biggest arsehole in the world to his kids, and in the end, I was better at fighting than him.”
Something had real happened to make them leave, she realized. It wasn’t just a whim. “Me and Sky always wondered.”
“When our parents found out about us, you remember what it was like, what they said about us, what they called us...”
She nodded. It’d been horrendous, the rows, the rules, slammed and locked doors that kept them physically separate. It broke her heart, but not as much as him leaving. She’d often heard Sean hollering back at his dad, even when she had her hands over her ears. “I’d have rather it stayed that way and you hadn’t left.”
“Rory wouldn’t stay out of it though,” he continued. “Then one day Dad had latched onto the fact Sky had a crush on him...he got really mad with us both. I took him on…I’d taken it for Rory for years and suddenly he was trying to stand by me. He got in the way, ended up with a couple of broken ribs.”
“Oh my God!”
He nodded. “Meanwhile Draco had been at us to leave for a long time. He was the one with the London dream. In the end I agreed to it to keep Rory safe, for the chance of a better life for him and to salvage what was a fairly decent family life for you and Sky.”
She was stunned. He’d done it for everyone else, not himself. “Decent? Dysfunctional at best.”
He smiled. “‘Dysfunctional?’ Listen to you, Ms Psychoanalyst.”
“I go to college now, there’s a lot you don’t know about me too. I’m studying psychology and sociology.”
“You always were smart. I’m glad you’re using it.”
“It’s not been easy getting there.” She didn’t want him to know why, not right now.
“I’m proud of you.”
She nodded, deep in thought, studying him while all the things he’d said ran through her mind. Over the years she’d been so off him for the wrong reasons. It made her feel stupid and insensitive. “I’m sorry you had to make the sacrifice.”
Deep down she’d rather he’d stayed. She’d have given up everything to be with him. “You could have taken me with you.”
“I thought about it.”
“I wish you’d said something.”
“I knew you’d have come with me. We had nothing though. I didn’t think it was right for you, not back then, but now…maybe.”
Now. Her chest tightened. Now she had a child and couldn’t up and leave. She had to change the line of conversation quickly before she said something she regretted. “Is that why you ended up in jail and the others didn’t, you taking responsibility again?”
He shook his head. “I had my hacker kit on me when we got arrested, that was why. But it meant I could keep the others out of it.”
She stared at him, admiring the way he downplayed it. He’d taken the rap for them all. Now both Rory and Draco had decent jobs and good lives. It wouldn’t have happened if Sean hadn’t taken responsibility.
“Was it horrible, being in jail?” She asked the question tentatively; still not sure she wanted to know.
He seemed to sense her unease because he stroked her arm, soothing her. “It’s an experience I never want to repeat, let’s leave it at that. But that’s good. It’s focused me, given me time to figure out what the most important thing in my life was. You.”
She shifted uneasily, wishing again he’d allowed her to get dressed. She felt ridiculous talking about it like this. Embarrassed, she crumpled and folded against him, her face against his shoulder, and her
hand on his heart.
Immediately, his arm locked her in place. “That’s better,” he whispered.
They sat in silence for a few moments, and then he kissed the top of her head. “I’d have given my right arm to spend two minutes by your side, Rowan.”
