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She stared at the envelope but fury forbade her to read whatever was inside and she dropped it on the floor. With her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands she stared down at the abandoned envelope. Several long moments crept by, and her curiosity built. She fought it, but she could see words scrawled on the page inside.
Time passed, how long she didn’t know. All she could feel was pain, her mood oscillating between desperation and unhappiness, loss, and rage. Her emotions dipped and bulged and tangled.
Her heart had just begun to unlock. She’d decided to believe what he was saying. She glanced at the open doorway, the guest room beyond. All that crap about needing her naked so that he could tell how much she wanted him and needed him, it was all bollocks. He just wanted a cheap striptease to mark his first night out of his jail cell. And she’d fallen for it. Stupid, stupid woman.
Staring at the floor in a desperate stupor, the noise of Pixie playing with toys was the only thing keeping her detached from reality. Eventually, and reluctantly, she reached for the torn envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper inside. Smoothing the torn page out on her lap, she took a deep shaky breath and began to read.
Rowan,
I know you’ll be angry with me right now. Don’t be upset, this isn’t what I wanted to do. I need to be quick, but I need to explain. When I was inside, a guy found out about my coding skills. I have to do a job for them, and I’m leaving to keep you and Pixie safe. Hang tight, lover. I’ll be in touch as soon as it’s safe to do so.
Yours always
Sean
At first it was relief she felt, and she almost got annoyed with herself when she realized she hadn’t given him the chance to explain. He’d come in here to leave the note, he’d found Pixie’s cot. Her heart missed a beat. Was that because he knew she’d come here first, or did it indicate something else?
“If Gladys or Nan has told him our secret,” she said to Pixie, “I will personally throttle the both of them.”
She re-read the letter.
“Oh God,” she muttered. He was doing anther hacking job, after saying he wouldn’t ever go there again, and this time it was for some bloke he’d met in prison.
This was even worse than the last time!
She simply couldn’t allow him to do another hack, whatever he said the reason was. She knew what was behind it. Fake glory. Back when they were all one family the three lads loved egging each other on in their hacking games. Sean had gone too far down that path. Now it looked as if she were the only who would stand in his way and stop him making an even bigger mistake than before.
Whether he’d come here for love or a quick shag was now beside the point because she knew she would never escape him in her heart. It meant she had to do everything she could to keep him from going down the same dark path he’d just spent the last year and more on.
“You idiot, Sean Rattigan. I will never forgive you for this. As for me staying safe, get lost!” She threw the letter on the floor again, scooped up Pixie and marched down the stairs with Pixie in one arm.
In the kitchen she found both of them, Aunt Gladys washing and Nan drying dishes. A task they didn’t usually do until much later in the day. Diversion tactics? Rowan had the suspicion one of them had talked to Sean, probably while she was at the shop, spilling the secret, or worse still ordering him to at least leave the poor girl a note, she could just picture it. Nan had been open to him changing, but Aunt Gladys had a notoriously strict moral code.
Annoyed, she pulled the drying towel from Nan’s hands and handed over Pixie. “I’ve decided to take your advice and visit Sky and Rory, if you’re good with your promise to look after Pixie while I’m gone.”
Nan’s eyebrows rose, but she gladly accepted the infant from Rowan’s arms. “Well I thought you should take up the invitation, and get a break from this place.”
“What about your classes Rowan?” Aunt Gladys asked. “You don’t want to miss anything important. You might mess up your second chance.”
“I’ll just have to miss a few days, but I’ve got it covered. There are two other single mums taking the same classes. We made a pact when we met, we’d make notes for each other if we had to be away because of our kids.” Or to hunt down absentee dads, she silently added.
“I’m guessing this means Sean has gone to London, and you’re going after him?” Aunt Gladys asked, frowning.
“I am not running after him!” Rowan declared loudly, trembling with rage. “If I ever see that man again I will box his ears for being so stupid. He’s off on some dubious job that’ll probably land him right back in jail.”
Nan’s eyebrows hadn’t lowered. “Oh…okay.”
Rowan sighed. “All right, I admit it. I’m going there because I think they probably know where he is. But he can’t just do this to me, not again, he needs to know he’s got a child now.”
She reached out and stroked Pixie’s hair, but kept one eye on the ladies to see if they let anything slip. “If he can’t handle the facts of life, I’ll give him a piece of my mind.”
“Maybe he guessed she was his,” Nan offered.
Rowan stared at her. Nan was speaking in that voice she used to calm people down. All it did for Rowan was set off alarm bells in her head.
Aunt Gladys mumbled in agreement in the background.
Rowan turned and looked at Gladys. “Please tell me you didn’t…?”
