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“It has, once I let you off for changing the ground rules.”
He strode over to where she sat on the sofa, squatted down in front of her and held her hands in his. “I want to be with you. I’m trying to do the right thing here. Why is it so hard to ask you out on a date?”
He looked desperate.
“Maybe we’re not the dating kind?”
He sighed. “You’re just trying to wind me up.”
“No, I’m not. Seriously, consider this. You could have any woman you wanted. You weren’t allowed to date me so it got stuck in your head you couldn’t have me. Which made you want it more. That’s what this is all about. I’ve come to terms with it. But you’ve done it now. You’ve achieved the sexual possession of Carmen Shelby. Many years overdue, I agree, but you can now add the notch to your bedpost and move on, as you planned at the outset when you put a strict time limit on it.”
She hadn’t meant for it to come out that way, but once it was out and she saw the expression on his face, she realized she might have gone a bit far.
He hung his head, but his fingers were worrying at her hand. “Something changed.”
His posture and his mood informed her he was serious. The realization made her chest ache, suddenly and painfully. “You really are asking me out, normal style, aren’t you?”
He lifted his head.
When she saw his expression the world as she understood it seemed to crumble, leaving her strangely adrift.
“I am. Just think, we could be together in the city during the week and then go to Burlington for the weekends.”
It sounded idyllic, but it wasn’t Rex. He’d never lived his life like that, and he was far from comfortable with the notion, even though he was voicing the proposal. He looked as if he had pressing problems, and it wasn’t how she’d expect a man to look while making a suggestion like that. “You don’t do relationships, not for any length of time.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. Besides, from what I can tell, you’re not flush in the relationships department, either.”
She pulled away.
Rex shifted, grasping her hand again. “Wait, why do you keep doing this? Why the withdrawal? I’m not blind, Carmen. We get to a certain point and then you cut off from me.”
Carmen stared down at his hand covering hers. I can’t risk it.
“Do I have to tie you up and torture it out of you?”
Knowing that he probably would, Carmen buckled. “No, you don’t. Look, it’s not hard to figure out. I had to become independent. I had to get used to being alone.”
Rex frowned. “After you mother died?”
“It wasn’t just that. My dad died when I was very small, but I remember it, and the feeling of loss never went away. At the time my mum was trying to build the company up, and when cancer took him she threw herself into that for a while. I got used to being alone. Then came the golden years at the manor. And you.” She met his gaze. “Then you left.”
The wounded look in his eyes spoke volumes. “I’m sorry.”
Carmen had never seen him look so serious, so sincere. “You know the rest. The accident...Mum died, and then Charles withdrew from me, as well.”
“I didn’t think. Throughout it all, I’ve always had my mother and her family to go back to. It really pains me to think you didn’t have anyone, and that I could’ve been there for you.”
“I understand why you weren’t, Rex. Don’t worry about that. I don’t blame you. It’s just that for a good while, I felt I couldn’t trust anyone to be there for me for any length of time and I had to be strong. I had to be brave and live up to the ideals that my mother set out for the company. Part of me has always held those golden years at the manor sacred. That’s why I wanted to go back. I know I can’t recapture it—”
“You can recapture it,” Rex interrupted, “you can make it different, you can make it better. Maybe we can do it together.”
Carmen wanted to believe, but it was so hard.
She studied his handsome face, and every part of her being craved him, longed to be held in his arms forever.
“What do I have to do to prove I will be there for you?”
“You can’t always be there for me. Nobody can. That’s what life has taught me.” The ache in her heart tugged down into the pit of her stomach. Loss was too hard; she didn’t want to open herself up to it again, and especially not with Rex, the only man she had ever loved.
