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I take a huge gulp from the glass of red wine in front of me. “No, I don’t want to ask him face-to-face. I don’t want to do it in public. I’ll cry.” My lip trembles just thinking about the conversation. “I would rather not have my heartbreak publicized or captured on video by one of his crazy fans and posted on Instagram.” I take a huge bite of the fennel and salmon salad.
“Why do you assume that it’ll be heartbreak?
“Because, it always is,” I snap. “At least where Graham is involved,” I add piteously.
She narrows her eyes at me. “If you’d let him fuck you, you’d know …”
I wave a dismissive hand.
“It’s true. If you were letting him get in there, you’d never believe anything but how crazy he is about. I mean, even without giving it up, his wooing is like on fleek.”
“Since when do you say on fleek?” I take another gulp of my wine.
“Since Graham Davis decided to teach a master class on how to make a girl fall in love with him.” She cups her chin in her hand and stares off dreamily.
“Cut it out.” I shove her back, and she just bats her eyelashes. “I’ve told you. I’m scared. The last two weeks have been crazy. When we’re alone, it’s wonderful. It’s just like old times. We laugh and talk. We’ve even been reading together again. But the minute we step outside and someone recognizes him, it’s like a bucket of cold water to the face.”
“He’s famous, what can he do? Wear a mask?” she asks through a mouth full of olives.
“No, I mean, I know it’s not anything he can help. And it’s actually not that bad. Just a few people ask for selfies. But since someone posted that picture of us at the Strand Bookstore, people have been camped out there every day. One of my favorite places and it’s ruined,” I pout.
“You are so dramatic.” She nudges me with her foot.
“I think I have the right to be. But I mean, he’s talking about becoming a teacher and just being a normal human being. But at the same time, he’s signing this huge deal right now to be the face of some line of athletic water. It’s huge.”
“So, I’m still waiting to hear the downside. One of the hottest, richest men on the planet is wooing you like crazy. Your apartment looks like a fucking flower shop.”
“Yeah … he’s been so amazing,” I admit, and can’t help but smile. I’ve woken up to a flower delivery every single morning. He brings lunch to the gallery every day and is outside waiting to walk me home when I’m leaving. We walked about two blocks the first time before I got tired of people stopping and staring or waving awkwardly at Graham and ordered us an Uber.
“So, what’s the problem? I know it’s not Lucas. I saw a blonde head disappearing into his place last week …”
“Ugh. He’s a pain in the ass. I wish I hadn’t agreed to this charade. Of course, he has no clue that Graham and I are more than friends, and he’s been badgering me to invite him to dinner, so he can try and sign him as a client.” I moan.
“He’s the worst. You should just tell him about you and Graham.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t know if there’s going to be a Graham and me.” I confess the fear that’s been niggling at me.
“Why not? He’s crazy about you,” she says.
“For now. I can’t compete with the life he’s used to. What if he gets bored?”
“Apollo. You said he told you he’s been in love with you since he was fourteen. I mean, is fourteen years not enough to know whether or not he’s got staying power?” she asks exasperation edging her voice.
“Well, being in love with me didn’t stop him from breaking my heart … I don’t understand. But I mean, I guess guys need to do that. Sow their wild oats and all …” I frown miserably and rest my chin in my hands. “This is all in the past. I want to leave it there, I don’t believe he’s being dishonest. I would know …” I trail off because there’s something I can’t put my finger on. A memory that’s niggling in the corner of my mind.
“Exactly.” She nods and grins. “See? You already know.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Apollo. Stop making excuses.” Her voice has a sharpness that is rarely present. “You’re scared. I get it. But love is scary. You were with Lucas for four years. I never once heard you complain when he started pulling away from you. Hell, you didn’t even bat an eye when I told you he’s got some random pussy coming in and out of his place.”
“It’s been over for a long time,” I say sullenly.
“Did it ever really start to begin with? I get it, he’s safe. But Apollo, who wants safe when you can have the thrill of loving someone so much it aches when you’re not together?”
“I don’t want to ache,” I moan.
“Then give Graham to me,” she deadpans. My stomach lurches at the idea.
