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“Of course, it is.” I smile at him.
I grab Remi’s hand and we go inside. “We’ll be right back and then we’ll talk.”
34
JOHN DOE
REMI
My heart is beating so fast my whole body is vibrating from the speed of the blood rushing through it. I’m trying to think, but in my ears, there’s this loud whooshing sound that I can’t get rid of.
The way it was when I saw Kal standing on my doorstep a few days ago.
Times ten.
I let Kal lead me back inside and push me down into a chair at the table. She sits down next to me and grabs my hands and starts to rub them as if she’s trying to warm me up.
“Is that my father?” I ask the most improbable question. I feel like someone dropped an anvil on my head.
“He looks just like your grandfather.” She shakes her head and covers her mouth like she can’t believe she said it. Then she drops her hand and leans forward, her eyes wide with shock. “I mean, they could be twins. His eyes.” With every word she speaks something I can’t define but know I won’t be able to contain grows inside of me.
“Kal—”
“Remi. He woke up in a ditch. With his fingers cut off.”
“I know,” I roar. My hand slaps the table, and the salt and pepper shakers in the middle rattle with the force of it.
Kal’s eyes bulge and she slaps both hands over her mouth.
“I know,” I say more quietly and then I drop my head into my hands.
“Oh, Remi. I’m here.” She jumps up and puts an arm around me.
She presses her body into mine and strokes my neck. She feels so real, so warm, so here…
But all I can think is that this won’t last either. That something will come along and destroy it. My heart constricts with each glide of her fingers across the tense muscles in my neck.
I can feel his presence outside the door, innocuous and yet goading me at the same time. I glance back at the door.
“Let’s go talk to him,” I say after a minute. I’m terrified of what he’s going to say. But, I’m more terrified that he’s going to leave and I’ll never know.
She slides off my lap, and hurries over to the small coolers she packed this morning. “Let me get him his food.”
A startling thought comes to me and I grab her hand as she’s walking past me.
“Let’s take him to Houston with us.”
She puts the sandwiches on the table and places both hands on my shoulders. I look up at her and her eyes soften with sympathy. Normally, I hate that look, but right now it’s very welcome.
“Let’s see what he has to say first, Remi. See if he’s even willing to come to Houston,” she says gently.
“Oh, he’s fucking coming to Houston. If I have to tie him up, throw him in the truck and drive with him kicking and screaming the whole way.”
I stand up and take a steadying breath and then walk outside. She puts a hand on the door handle as I start to turn it.
“Remi, I want you to take it easy. He’s sick. If we take him to Houston, we’ve got to get him to a doctor before we do anything else. I think he’s dehydrated, and that cough doesn’t sound good.”
“Those are the least of his troubles.” I open the door and squint against the morning sun. We’re going to be late getting back to Houston, but it doesn’t matter. He’s sitting on the porch steps with his back to the door and I recognize the set of his broad, but very frail shoulders. It’s just like mine. And Hayes’.
