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She cups my face in her hands and searches it with those green eyes I used to covet. “You’re a good girl. But so was I. I can tell you nothing changes that faster than men with sexy smiles and fancy cars. Women in our family, those kind of men are our downfall. It’s in our DNA.” She smiles wistfully and strokes my cheeks with her thumbs.
I pull out of her grasp. “It’s not like that. He’s not looking at me like that,” I tell her.
But, I’m totally looking at him like that. I almost fainted when I saw him yesterday. Some things were the same. His hair is still beautifully curly and close cropped. His eyes are still so dark, they’re fathomless eyes.
But th
at’s where the similarities ended. He looks like some sort of god. He’s an elite athlete and his body shows it, his face is saved from prettiness by a heavy brow and permanent five o’clock shadow on his taut, strong jaw. His lips… talk about a perfect bow.
“Give him a minute, Kal. He’ll do something to show you what he wants and who he is.”
I bristle a little and don’t know why I feel compelled to defend him. Maybe it’s the nostalgia from our first meeting. Maybe it’s because he was really very nice.
“He’s the only one who came in here today who didn’t look at me like that. Or treat me like that. He just offered to give me a ride. He’s leaving for college in the fall. He probably thinks I’m just some dumb kid.”
“Girl, if that boy has eyes, he’s not thinking of you like a kid.”
She studies my face, and her expression grows even more worried. “I know you want to make friends, baby. I know it must feel really nice to have someone like him pay attention to you. But boys like that… they don’t date girls like us. They will fuck us though.”
“I’m not doing anything like that,” I protest.
“I want you to promise me something. That you will focus on why you’re here, not get distracted by a boy. Getting pregnant so young was the biggest mistake…” At my wince, she closes her eyes in regret.
“I don’t mean it like that. I’m just saying… I was only able to buy this bookstore because I scraped and saved and then sold my house. I still have to go to work every day and clean out old folk’s bedpans and earn a living that keeps food on our table until this store’s business picks up. I wish I’d stayed in school. I wish I’d had someone step in to help me when I was your age. I want more for you than what I had.”
I stare at my hands.
“I know. You don’t have to say it. Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen. He’s not like that.” Her eyes turn sad and she gives me a pitying frown.
“You’re still learning who you are. What you like. What’s good for you. You finish school, and you can have anything you want.”
“I plan on finishing school. I’m not going to get pre—”
“You won’t find yourself dealing with the scorn of women who think they’re better than you because they’ve never been desperate enough to do what they have to in order to keep their child in ballet shoes and karate uniforms. You won’t need Daddies to make your Christmas special.”
My stomach twists when I think about the parade of Daddies she brought through our lives. And how, in the end, it was her downfall. But, it also turned out to be my redemption. She was grooming me to live the same life she did. Getting arrested, being in jail all these years has helped her see the light. “Be better than me, Kal.”
There’s a knock on the glass-paned door and we both turn to look. It’s Remi. He waves and points at his watch. I flash him a smile and put my hand to let him know I’ll be right out.
“You be careful. And you better be home by nine o’clock. It may be summer, but you’ve got work to do.”
“Okay.” I smile and agree with a nod. “Do you want to meet him?”
“Already did, remember? You go ahead. I don’t want you to not have any fun. Text me when you get there and when you’re on your way home and if you want to come home and he won’t bring you, call me.”
“Okay.” I smile as reassuringly as I can and then I grab her and hug her.
“I love you,” I whisper in her ear.
“Not half as much as I love you.” She holds me tightly then lets me go with a quick pat on my bottom.
“Be good, okay?” Her solemn tone makes me turn back and I nod and make a promise I mean.
“Promise.”
I run out the bookstore’s front door and see the huge black car idling at the curb. He hops out and walks round to open my door for me. No one’s ever done that before and those butterflies I’ve been trying to ignore since he sauntered into the bookstore are back.
God, my mother’s right. At least when it comes to this boy with his sexy smile and nice car.
