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“It happened so fast. Your grandfather warned him. Then he followed through on it. Cut him out.”
“Because he loved someone else?” I shake my head in disgust.
“Because he was disloyal,” her retort comes out as a growl. “A year later he left her too. Walked out and never came back. Probably fell face down in a ditch somewhere, piss drunk and never woke up.”
“She thinks he’s alive.”
My mother blinks like I splashed water in her eyes.
“She’s delusional.” Her eyes widen slightly and then dart nervously to the shredder.
“What are you trying to shred?” I eye the machine and the pile of documents strewn in front of it.
She steps into my line of sight. “His death certificates. They have the real dates on there. The declaration date, seven years after he disappeared. When it was issued I ordered a copy from the county clerk. And other documents. Our divorce records. Unlike his death certificate, they were sealed, you would never have found them, but I have them here. Newspaper clippings. Things that if you ever looked, might have told you the truth.”
She lists the items like they’re nothing and I’m beyond incredulity at this point. “God forbid I learn the truth, right?” I say, exhaustion creeping into the bitterness edging my voice.
“Yes. God forbid. I would never have told you.”
“Why is that your decision to make?”
“Because I am the one who was left to pick up the pieces, to raise you as best I could. I was twenty-three. I’d only come here from Jamaica seven years prior. I had no one but him and his family. Nothing but quick thinking and the sense the good Lord gave me. I made a decision and I would do it again.” Her eyes fill with tears.
I’ve never seen her even come close to crying. It renders me dumb.
She looks at me with a plea in her eyes, but she’s not begging me for forgiveness. She doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. She wants me to understand.
I know I never will.
“I don’t know how you could do this.” I say quietly, a hollow numbness has started to soften my anger.
“I haven’t remarried. I haven’t done anything but help your grandfather grow Wilde World so you’d have something worth inheriting. Everything I’ve done has been for that.”
“Was making sure Kal and I broke up and stayed that way also for me?”
Her expression goes from woeful to angry in a flash.
“I wish I’d never heard that girl’s name.”
“I wish you had to hear it every day.” I retort.
“She would have ruined you.” Her hand slices through the air in anger. “The way Georgina ruined your father. And I would not allow it. One day, when you have children of your own you will understand.” She lifts her chin and crosses her arms over her chest.
“I loved her.” I say, angrily.
“You loved her too much. But once she was gone, you hit your stride. You’ve done so much.” She looks like she hopes I’ll agree. I don’t even hear her anymore.
“All I wanted was her.”
“Look what you have achieved without her.”
“Look how I’ve suffered without her,” I shout back and her eyes widen and fill with tears again.
“Oh, God, Remi.” Her fingers flutter to her face and press against her trembling mouth. “You can’t say anything. Or do anything. This cannot become public knowledge. I don’t want people to know your father sired Hayes Rivers. People can’t know that he wasn’t the man we’ve said he was. It would ruin the branding we have created for Wilde World.”
“Branding? Are you serious?” Just when I thought nothing could surprise me, she proves me wrong.
“Yes. I’m serious. You know this.” Her tears clear and her expression grows stern.
