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“It’s kinda last minute, don’t you think?” I yawn and walk back to my bed. I’d rather stay home and read.
“I’m sure with us just getting here and the shop being unoccupied, they didn’t remember until the last minute to invite us.” She says it even though I know she doesn’t believe that for a second.
“Right, because somehow they totally forgot we were here.” I’m not convinced.
“I think it’ll be nice, with you and Remi dating. If you show up and make nice with his family.”
“It’s too bad he’s with his grandfather on that trip. But if he wasn’t, he might not be there, he said it’s kind of a drag.”
“Well, he’s going to miss seeing you dressed like the princess you are.”
She walks over to my bed and sits down beside me. She lays the shoes down gingerly on the bed between us and grabs my hand and turns to face me. I do the same. Our gazes lock and in hers I see hope. She wants so badly for things to be different. She wants this community to be our home. The place where we belong. I do, too.
“I know I fucked-up the first fourteen years of your life. I was a hot mess of a mother.” She presses our joined hands to my chest and holds them there. “But, there’s nothing about my life that has to define yours. You’ve got everything I didn’t. You’re making the right choices. You’ve got a healthy fear of trouble and you’re a heck of a lot smarter than I was.”
“You’re smart.” My first instinct will always be to defend her.
She smiles sadly and her eyes roam my face. “When you were born, I was so young, so scared and very alone. Every adult in my life had encouraged me to consider putting you up for adoption.”
“Really?” I ask, but I’m not surprised. I heard my grandmother say things like that all of the time before she died.
“Yeah. I was sixteen. Single. Your father… well. It doesn’t matter.” She closes her eyes momentarily, the way she always does when she mentions my father.
“I didn’t listen. I knew you were going to be the thing that saved me. You were born at sunrise. And I swear, Kal, a beam came right in the window and kissed your lips. You opened your little mouth like you were trying to swallow it. Remember, that you are nobody’s victim. You’ve already survived a lot. Including having a shitty mother.”
“You’re not.”
“I was. I’ve been scared straight. But if I had been smart, I would have looked at you and seen a future. Instead, I was looking over my shoulder at a past I couldn’t change and making a mess of both our lives in the process.”
Her eyes well with tears and her lips press together.
“It wasn’t that bad… But I don’t miss the way we lived. I like having a stable place that’s ours.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I’ll make sure we never live that way again. I didn’t grow up with someone who loved me more than they loved anything else. But, I hope, that no matter how misguided my decisions were, you know that I love you more than anything else.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“You’re going to make it.” Her brows knit together in a fierce scowl that makes me smile.
“Keep telling me that with that look on your face, I’ll believe it. Thank you for bringing me here. It feels like a real second chance. And I know it’s only been a month. But… Remi’s special. He gets me. He never judges me and I’m falling for him.” I sigh dreamily at the ceiling.
“He’s a good kid. And tonight, you’ll get to dazzle his family the way you’ve dazzled him.” She taps my nose with our still joined fist and smiles brightly.
“Come on. We’ve got to do something with that hair. Let’s get you ready for your coming out, sweetie. Tonight, we make our triumphant return to Wilde House as guests.”
My stomach gives an odd turn. I grab her arm and pull her back to the bed. “I don’t want that. Let’s just go and do whatever most people do at a ball and leave out of the same door we came in. That would make it feel like a success.”
“Oh, baby. It’s going to be incredible. Maybe you’ll meet some of the young people you’ll be going to school with in the fall. Just in time for senior year.” She shimmies her shoulders excitedly.
I smile and don’t tell her I’ve met plenty of them at Sweet & Lo’s and that I wouldn’t mind if I never saw half of them again.
“Okay, so show me those dresses.” I point at the bags at the foot of my bed and her smile gets about one hundred watts brighter.
“Thought you’d never ask.”
“Have you ever seen anything more enchanting?” My mother grabs my elbow and leans into me to whisper in my ear. “I’d forgotten how beautiful this house is.”
“It is.” I realize I haven’t seen the inside of Remi’s house since that night, either. And then, I barely saw any of it.
