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I break the silence because I want to make sure he knows everything she did. I saw her today and I’d trembled when I remembered how she plotted to hurt me. “Your mother blackmailed my mother.”
His jaw goes slack.
“What?”
“She promised to make our lives a living hell unless we got out of town.”
He closes his eyes. “I knew it didn’t make sense the way you disappeared.” He groans like he’s in pain. “God, that woman. I’m so sorry, Kal. I didn’t know.”
“I know.” I say uselessly.
It’s too late for all of this.
“I thought I was such a man. I was just a powerless, clueless kid. Maybe I still am.” He shakes his head.
“Yeah. When my mother packed us up, I didn’t think about refusing to go. I was hurt and confused and she used that to her advantage. We moved to New York and I finished high school there.”
“You still live there?” he asks, but he sounds dazed.
“Yup, I went to Columbia. Got a job with an investigative journalism magazine. I live in Harlem now, but I’m moving in with Paul soon.”
“Well, all you need is the book and your porch, and your happy ending is basically here,” he says dully, but his words hit me like poison tipped arrows and the resentment and anger in them seep into my skin.
“It’s been six years. And you’ve moved on, too. You’re with Joni.” My voice betrays how defensive I feel.
“Not for long. It’s basically over.” His voice is devoid of emotion, his dark brows are furrowed in a dark smile.
“Oh. I’m… sorry?” I’m not sure if he’s upset or if it’s a good thing.
He looks back at the window without responding.
“So, when’s the wedding?” He asks quietly.
His change of subject gives me whiplash.
“Uh, soon. His family is Catholic. They want it done before I start to show.” I stare at my feet and close my eyes and try to remember that this is all going to be fine. It hurts now, but it won’t always.
I’m making the right choices. For myself and for my child. Remi owns my heart, but love isn’t enough. I owe my child the best start I can give her.
“Congratulations.” He looks so sad even though he’s smiling.
I don’t know why I feel like I’ve broken his heart.
I know that’s not the case. It’s my heart that’s got a permanent crack in it from loving him when I shouldn’t have. He never felt the same way.
He slides his hand up my arm and caresses the inside of my elbow. I close my eyes because his touch is bliss and I want to savor it.
“You know… I wanted things to be different…” His words aren’t a question.
They are the final words in this chapter of our lives.
It a stab in the gut.
“I’m so fucking sorry about that weekend, Kal. So sorry I didn’t just tell you about the event. Sorry I hurt you. Sorry I let you down. We were a lot of things to each other. But most of all, we’d been friends.”
I nod. “I know you are. I knew it then. And yes, I miss our friendship.” It’s such an understatement. There is so much unspoken in his words, too. And for now, it will have to stay that way.
“You just miss me driving you around.”
