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“Trust me, you’ll want to see yourself like this,” he says
“Okay, let me pose,” I lift my arms into the air, my paddle gripped in one hand and bare my teeth like I’ve just vanquished a foe.
“Perfect,” he declares with a smile. But then, he drops his paddle into the water and pushes himself ahead of me. I’m sorry for the strain between us, but grateful for the distance, too. I need to make sense of what I’m feeling.
“To your left you’ll see a flock of Black-necked Stilts,” our guide calls.
The mangroves are fascinating – a wetland in the middle of this otherwise arid region and the tangle of trees is a lush ecosystem bursting with a wide variety of fish and birds. But my eyes are fixed on the back of the man who reminded me of all the things I’ve missed.
I always heard mid-30s were peak time for a woman’s sexual drive, but I didn’t believe it. I thought my plug-in vibrator and I had already reached it ten years ago.
But it’s not just the mind-blowing sex that’s gotten under my skin over the course of the last few days. It’s his wonder, his compassion, his conviction, his tenderness. It’s the way he wears his heart on his sleeve and the way he listens. He brought me here so I could go home with happy memories. I can’t remember the last time anyone did something just to make me happy.
This was supposed to be fun, and sex.
But it’s gone far beyond that. I’ve attributed all of my flutters and skipped heartbeats to adrenaline. But after a lazy day of swimming in the crystal-clear water with sea lions and sunbathing on sparkling white-sand beaches, those flutters and skipped heartbeats are more intense than ever. And, there’s no doubt as to why.
Which is too bad for me.
Even if I wasn’t still tangled up with Marcel, he’s just told me he wants to live footloose and fancy free. Which is nothing like my life is now.
I don’t doubt that one day, he’ll change his mind. Then he’ll find someone who can be more than just a holiday fling. The knowledge that my dream man will one day give all of this to someone else, turns the sweet aftertaste of our kisses, bitter.
I banish the encroaching self-pity.
This was never meant to last. Which is fine, because I don’t need it to. I just need it for now. But as I follow him down the river, I know I’m in for a world of hurt when we say goodbye.
I may be keeping myself upright on this board, but Stone has brought my heart to its knees.
Everything
Stone
It’s our final night together. We got lucky and the hotel we picked has a hot tub on the deck. I climbed in while Regan called her kids and changed. I gaze up at the star-spangled cosmos. Every star, every planet, every speck of dust has a role to play. The universe looks like beautiful chaos, but it is in fact, perfectly precise and predictable.
“Is the water nice?” Regan appears in the doorway, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel.
“Yeah, come join me,” I hold up the two bottles of beer resting in the cup holders.
She wrinkles her nose. “I just showered…”
“Thank goodness there’s more water so you can do it again. Come on. It’s our last night.”
She sighs, but nods. “Okay, let me put on a suit, I’ll be right out,” she smiles, slides the door close, and disappears back into the suite.
The tension from our conversation on the banks of the mangroves is gone, but the question that sparked it, is still unanswered.
And for now, it’ll stay that way. We’ve got this one night left in this perfect dimension we’ve carved out of nostalgia and attraction and I want to spend it happy. Tomorrow, we’ll go back to the real world. And no matter how much I wish it, no matter how bright and shimmering this thing between us, we’ll go our separate ways.
But there’s no way I can go back to a life that she's not part of.
Cosmos taught me that the universe is an impeccable timekeeper, every single thing happens as it should. Us meeting here like this wasn’t an accident.
In my line of work, brilliant women aren’t rare. And almost all of them can claim something that makes them physically attractive. But, as cerebral as I am, I’m even more adventurous and thrill seeking. I know it’s a rare combination, and I’ve yet to meet a woman who can hang with me on a hike and then talk to me about all of the things that interest me - movies, books, food, travel, family, politics.
Until I met Regan Wilde. She’s adventurous, beautiful, bright, and kind. But she’s not the kind of woman you win with a few nights of sex and flattery. Nah, if I want it all, I’ve got to earn it all.
I need to be in the same city, and I need a plan. But until she wants me more than whatever she’s getting out of staying married to a man she doesn’t like or live with.
