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She rolls her eyes and arches her back to stick her stomach out. “Go ahead, I love it.”
I place my palm on the top of her belly and her smile widens with pride, “I’m growing a person inside me.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I run my hand down the curve of the cocoon her body has fashioned for her baby.
“He’s moving,” She grabs my wrist and slides it my hand to the left. I gasp as the slide of a rounded body part against my palm.
“I know, right?” She beams with the kind of excitement I’m used to seeing on my children’s faces – guileless and unmitigated. The kind of excitement I had countless moments of when I was with Stone.
I’m gripped by a pang of longing so sharp that my heart skips a beat, but I push it away.
“Do you want more babies?” Confidence asks and the pain I just dismissed leaps back to life. The pain over Stone didn’t surprise me, I always feel something when I think of him. But this... this does. For a woman who spent more than half her life thinking she’d never have children, it’s jarring to feel a sense of longing when I already have three more than I planned.
Even if I didn’t have my IUD, there’s no chance of me being pregnant again. Marcel and I are irrevocably broken. I haven’t even seen him since I’ve been back.
And as for Stone … I know we’ll never be strangers again. The connection we forged on that trip was real and deep. But it feels like a dream more than anything else. Like it happened in another lifetime.
When I got back, things at home were haywire. back has been one disaster after the other.
Evangeline got into a fight at school the day after I arrived, Martinez had his fifth bout of strep throat this year, and his doctor decided it was time for him to have his tonsils out. And my brother’s disappearing act has become a PR nightmare.
So even though I’ve been home for almost three months, it’s only been a few weeks since things calmed down enough to allow me a moment to think.
I’ve stopped pretending that I didn’t leave a piece of my heart with him. But it doesn’t change the facts of our circumstances. I’ve got more baggage than he deserves to be saddled with. Once he’s here, if he’s even still interested in me, he’ll see how untenable a relationship between us would be.
Then, he’ll meet someone who can live out his globe-trotting adventures with him.
At least hope so. If he settles here and I have to see him with another woman on his arm, I might have to consider moving.
I don’t know if this is what a schoolgirl crush feels like – I never had one of those. I’m having all of these feelings I used to find silly and fatalistic when I read them in romance novels. I’ve got it bad, right down to the whole “I know I’ll never feel this way about anyone again.”
Only it doesn’t feel silly, because it took me thirty-six years to find him. Those aren’t good odds.
“Regan?” Confidence’s slightly raised, concerned voice startles me out of my daydream.
I flush and pull my hand back from her belly. “Sorry, nostalgia got me.”
“Are you okay?” She’s watching me with a furrowed brow, and I wonder if I spoke some of my thoughts aloud.
“I’m fine, why?”
“It’s just…you looked so sad.” Her frown deepens.
“I’m fine. I just got lost in my memories for a minute.” I muster a smile and sit back in my chair, crossing my legs and forcing my shoulders to relax. “You really popped since the wedding, haven’t you?” I nod at her belly.
Her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but she lets me change the subject and nods. “More like exploded. People keep asking if I’m having twins. I just tell them um, no, his daddy’s a giant.” She rolls her eyes. But she can’t stop the smile that breaks over her face when she mentions Hayes.
“So, how are you doing? Is it hard with Marcel being gone all the time?” she asks.
My stock answer, “I miss him, but it’s best for our kids.”, is on the tip of my tongue. But
I like Confidence and if we’re going to be friends, she’ll learn the truth sooner or later.
“Not at all. It’s actually easier this way,” I answer and instantly feel lighter, even when her smile falters.
She leans forward to grasp my hand, her eyes full of sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head to dissuade her. “Don’t be. I’m fine.”
