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My heart does something strange… it expands like it’s taking a huge breath and then it starts to race. “You have such a way with words, Carter.” He wraps his arms tight around me, spilling water over the side of the tub. He lowers his head so that he can nestle his face into my neck. I’m in heaven.
“Oh, this mouth has got a myriad of talents. Words are just the tip of the iceberg, right?”
“Mmmm, tell me more,” I whisper when his lips start to nibble at my neck.
“Let me show you.” He grips my chin and turns my head so he can kiss me. He extends his arm out of the tub and snags his phone from its perch on the closed toilet. “I got you something.”
He hands it to me and my heart leaps in my chest when I see the electronic ticket with my name as the passenger.
“You bought me a ticket New York. But…”
“It’s an open ticket. Whenever you’re ready. I hope when I leave in a couple of weeks, you’ll come with me.”
My heart sinks. “You’re leaving?”
“I have to get back to the city. Dean has agreed to meet with all of us. I’ve got songs ready to record. And the house is done. Come with me.”
My heart squeezes at the plea in his voice. God, why is this so hard. I reach over the side of the tub and put his phone down. “I want to…” I pull away from his chest so I can look at him over my shoulder, my eyes pleading for him to understand. I want to stop saying no. He’s laid everything I want at my feet. I just don’t know how to say yes.
His eyes harden and I can see he doesn’t. “It’s not a choice between me and him. Or New York and Winsome. Or even art school and marriage. It’s a choice between a life or an existence.”
I’m overwhelmed by so many emotions, but frustration outweighs them. I don’t know how to explain to Carter what my family is like. He thinks he understands because he’s tasted fame and has a complicated relationship with his people. But this is our last night before Duke is back and I have to head back to Winsome. And I don’t want to fight.
I take a deep breath and try to explain as honestly as I can. “They’ve taken everything I have ever loved and either destroyed it, or used it against me. I don’t want them to know that I love you. Because Carter, if they know, I swear, that will be it.”
I cup his face. “Just let me have some time to figure out the best way to deal with Duke. I’ll talk to him. He’s not unreasonable like my father.”
He doesn’t answer me, instead, his nostrils flare and the muscles in his jaw flex, and he hoists himself up and out of the tub.
He wraps a towel around his hips and stands over me. The sudden loss of his body isn’t as disturbing as the look of resolve in his eyes. He looks like he’s ready for battle.
“You look like you’re ready to go ten rounds.”
He doesn’t crack a smile and my stomach feels like an anvil is dragging it down
“I don’t want to sneak around, Beth. I don’t want to hide that we’re together. And I don’t want you to go to this event and pretend you’re his woman.”
Wordlessly, he steps out and then walks out of the bathroom. With my heart in my throat, I get out of the bath, wrap a towel around myself, and follow him into the bedroom. He doesn’t say anything while we dry off and get dressed. Neither do I.
The space between us feels like a minefield, one wrong step and everything will be destroyed. But, I didn’t come this far to let fear continue to lead me.
“Baby?”
He walks over to me, places a hand on each of my shoulders and looks me square in the eyes. “I’m not going to share you. Or settle for pieces of you. These people aren’t your family any more than they are mine. This is not what family does. But, I can’t force you to see that or believe that. And I know you’ve got a lifetime of indoctrination to dismantle.”
I frown at him, dismayed. “You make it sound like I grew up in a cult.”
His eyebrows draw together. “Didn’t you?”
“It wasn’t that bad,” I protest and then cringe when I hear how lame I sound.
I expect him to cringe, too, and push back. Instead a slow, sensual, smile tugs the corners of his lips upward and when his dimples make an appearance, my toes curl and a luscious heat flows from the place inside of me that I used to think was broken before he came back.
“And why does a girl born with stars in her eyes, fire in her soul, a universe in her mind want to settle for a life that’s not so bad?” he asks.
I don’t have an answer. I can only look into his eyes and soak up what I see there. They’re a portal to a different dimension. One where I belong to myself and I have a choice about who share to that with. He smiles, but otherwise doesn’t react except for to cup my face in his big warm hands and press a kiss to my lips.
It’s a gentle kiss, but just like everything between us - every conversation, every touch - it’s as deep as a hundred oceans. My soul sighs in relief as clarity comes, floating like a feather as it knocks me on my ass. The gun to my head isn’t in charge. I’ve already made my choice.
