AllFreeNovel
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The scene goes dark in the middle of their kiss and I feel the loss of the visual keenly. But before I can mourn the loss, a new scene comes into focus, filling the screen with light.
It’s his band on stage in an open air arena with an audience that the dark has turned into a rolling sea of lighted phone screens
Blue Clover is spelling-binding. - all of them so differen
t looking, but perfectly matched - in energy, talent, passion, and sex appeal. When you see them like this, it’s not hard to understand why they’re such a phenomenon.
Carter is their gravitational center.
The spotlight shines down on him. He’s sitting at his signature blue piano. His tall, lean body moves like it’s an extension of it. He’s wearing a bomber jacket zipped up, jeans and the same adidas sneakers he wore every day of the three months we spent together. His hair is shorter now, dark curls clinging to his forehead.
His eyes are closed as he sings about love and heartbreak, forever and loss, always and never, and I can’t take my eyes off him.
He’s the star that shines brighter than all of the others in a sky full of light - the one that lights my path. The one that I am drawn to.
When the drum solo starts, he hops up from the piano and unzips his jacket. He whips it off and the crowd goes wild.
Their singing is louder than the band’s and Carter’s body moves like it’s synced to the wave of their excitement.
He dances with his eyes closed, his body, long, powerfully built, is lithe and loose. The blue T-shirt he’s wearing goes from dry to sweaty in a matter of seconds.
As the other instruments join the drums, he spins his jacket in the air over his head and then sends it flying into the audience, their screams are wild with elation and my tears have dried and I’m laughing as I watch the joy on his face as he grabs his mic and starts singing, “You’re a dream I never want to end. A love I’ll never forget.”
He sits back down, pounding the piano through the end of the song, singing with his head thrown back, his entire body covered in sweat, the veins in his neck strain as he pledges that he’ll take every chance for the love he’ll never stop needing.
I watch the whole thing twice, singing along - every word a reminder that what we had was real. The summer I spent with him inspired this music.
I hear strangers singing on the train, and in the aisle of my local grocery store. I’m hopelessly caught up in the world I’ve created in my mind. In it, we’re together.
I walk over to sift through the mail from my PO box and see a stiff hand addressed envelope with the word UPWARD stamped where the return address should be.
I open it and read, shocked to find they’ve chosen me to receive an award for my contribution to the field of visual arts. I sit there, caught between trepidation and excitement. If I go, I’ll be outing myself.
Duke has no idea about my art, not that he would care, but I’m worried he’d find a way to ruin it.
I toy with the thin gold bangles on my wrist to remind myself that I’ve built three months since I left Winsome, I’ve found so much to be proud of.
These bracelets are the symbols of my emancipation. They’re the only non-essential purchase I’ve let myself make. On the last day of every month that I’ve lived my own terms, I add another one to my wrist.
When I get to twelve, I’m going to do something really special to celebrate. Maybe, another tattoo.
I run my fingers over the one on my ribs “Between Now and Always, I will Love him.”
I got it on the first anniversary of the birthday Carter bestowed on me.
I was desperate with pain and longing and I just wanted to be with him. I spent the whole day praying he’d call and knowing he wouldn’t.
My phone rings and it’s my father. I think about sending him to voicemail but he’ll just keep calling until I answer.
“Elisabeth, have you seen the fertility doctor I recommended?”
I drop my head into my hands. “No.”
“What about the plastic surgeon?”
“Nope. Not him either.”
“You promised—“
